drawbridge up

my drawbridge
has a hair trigger
i slowly lower it
in a moment of optimism
but
set one foot on it
just one little toe
&
pow!
the fear
the intense fear
of letting myself
be
vulnerable
sends the sucker
sky high
& rockets any chance
of a relationship
all the way
to the
moon.

here it is. here is my unbridled optimism about relationships coming to an unceremonious end.
i was totally slow stalking this dude…& then he waved at me.
and then he tried to talk to me.
well, fuck. i wasn’t ready for that….
i’m not exaggerating when i call myself feral or socially retarded. and then figure in almost two decades with my mind-fucking ex-husband….
i’m going to retreat to my hidey hole for a little while.

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