happy birthday, mike

my brother died just after 
obama was elected
november is all about
memories of 
my brother
presidential elections &
birthday
twelve years ago today
was the last time

i spoke to him
twelve years
same as the age of my second child
who was just starting to stand up
to crawl
when my brother
died
my children 
who my brother told me
privately
were the most beautiful babies
& offered
as true to his missionary pro-lifer code
to take any children i could not
love

(his wife had opted out of more children
after four)
i think of my brother today
i bake him a cake
have a drink with him
watch a movie that reminds me
of him.…
he was my big brother
he would have been 57 today.

i don’t wanna grow old

okay.
i’m pretty despondent about this whole age thing. this is something that has never happened to me before. age is just a number, right?
but this number is freaking me out.
poop.
i am posting this the day after my birthday…but i wrote it two days before my birthday…& it is the day before my birthday as i am scheduling it to post.
(i hope i survive my birthday!)

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