desperate

when you walked
through the door
it was the best part
of my
every day
you were my best
friend
you were the person
i wanted to tell
everything
everything
i would have plucked
my heart
out of my chest
to show you
so you could see
what you meant to me


you took
what i gave you
& you
twisted it into
some
obscene
version
of what my love
was
you took
what i gave you
& you
gave me nothing
i am
nothing
to you
you took
what i gave you
& you
left me
empty
empty
& desperate
to hear
my dead heart
beat
again.

moses jones page six

my tarot reading last night indicated that i am ready for a new relationship…but am still heavily influenced by what happened in my relationship with dusty….
my art/comic concurs.
the dusty effect on my heart….

weener coop page four

my stars & ribbons–there is a lot of cursing in this comic.

this page might mark my moving on from grievances with one particular housemate to grievances with that entire culture of some intentional communities.

keep in mind, i was nearly kicked out of this coop for my attitude & lack of censoring.
i’m not sure i learned my lesson.

weener coop page three

so i lived in this coop in madison, & there was a chick there who i swear was stalking me. every time i left the room, she would take my chair…. it was kinda funny until one time i left the room & she took my ex-husband.

weener coop page two

so it’s a co-op of halloween figures…& yes, i am the zombie voodoo thing. my ex-husband is the mummified corpse (representative of his contribution to our family.)
based on a true story, of course.

between homes

summer 2015
while trying to convince the dad to move away
leaving a “commonwealth” scam
leaving a doorstep haunted by a predatory woman
leaving a sadness that soaked my bones
just leaving, i begged
or not…
i tried to to convince the dad to move away
somewhere cheaper
far away from his predatory “other woman”
i tried
& failed
he would not leave her
& stupidly
i agreed on a rental that would not be open until
the end of
summer
summer of 2015, between homes
bouncing around
crashing, house-sitting, visiting relatives
only to land again
in my own
sadness

i have been thinking of that summer, if only to remind myself that i have been “between homes” with four children before…& survived.
i am hoping that this time i do not land again in my own sadness.
the dad has been trying to convince me to come live with him again….
right???
what insanity would that be?
i have broken free of him & to give up that freedom would surely mean the end of me…
but, i might have to turn to him for temporary shelter. i am trying to find other options, but having a safe place for the minions to be trumps all other concerns. & where the minions go….
i’m trying to be excited about a change, even an uncertain one. i mean, i am excited about it…but also worried sick. i turn every scenario over & over in my head. i do everything in my head, first, preparing myself for anything unexpected.
this is how i survive.

to help support my traveling circus & our search for a forever home, check out my patreon page where i am working on character development of a comic book hero who has been in my head for about five years now….

and being a patron of mine of the $5 a month or more, gets you personalized art postcards like these:

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