domino

today is a new day
yesterday
is gone
think
morning
not
mourning
because today
is a new day
&
even if nothing
changes
everything
changes
one
domino
topples into the next
&
tomorrow can bring
anything.

a moment of zen optimism??
in the spirit of optimism and a moment of “wow, look what i did” …i went to put my book confusion perfume and other neurotic comic (holiday gift idea!!) over on goodreads. i got an email that my listing was approved and went to check it out, only to find i have THREE books on goodreads. what? totally makes me feel like a real writer….

contact me for an autographed copy

mama belly

it’s the mama center
of my body
is that
my problem?
am i conflicted
so very
conflicted
by motherhood?
that all those
ugly feelings
have found a place
in my
mama belly
so deep
in there
that even the most
adamant
yoga workout
cannot
root it out?

more on my body image issues. i cannot not wonder if my aversion to my stomach fat has something to do with my struggles to be a mom.
plus, it’s a genetic trait from my own mother.
so there is that.
bleah.
but, i am working on working it all out. trying to learn to love my body & believe that someone else could love it as well.

out & about

last weekend
i went out
drank whiskey
& played darts
& pool
drank in the prettiness
of a man…
i kinda
want to go
out
again
this weekend
but is that just a
desperate
attempt
for a groundhog’s day?

referring to the bill murray movie about the man repeating the same day until he got it perfect…at one point in the movie he has a really good & spontaneous day–but then tries to re-create it the next day & it is completely false.
i did go out the following weekend, but said pretty man was not to be seen by me.
i am not sure i will go out again. i enjoy re-living days of old (to say i have spent a lot of time in bars flirting with boys would be an understatement) but maybe the tides have turned & there is no going home again….

aryan jesus is coming to town…

i was doodling during a board meeting
as i have trouble sitting still
& can actually focus better if my hand
is busy
my school notebooks are full of doodles
& i am sure
this is how i excelled as i did
scholastically
with such a tendancy
to let my mind
off leash
to wander….
anyhoo!
when i went to finish the doodle that started with
a man
& ended
with
a fish
i was pretty impressed
with said
wandering mind….

i have been working on turning a journal page into a finished work as requested.
after two tries, i am not completely happy (but there are many a man who will tell you that is not an uncommon state for me) 😉 & am trying to determine if i should try a third time….

one trick pony

i wonder
as a writer & an artist
if
i am like those
actors
who can only play one
character
no matter how excellent
they may be at that
role
they can never move past being
that guy
i wonder
if
i am a one trick pony
always drawing
the same face
always writing
in the same voice.

serious anxieties here folks. could i live with having a limited range? being a bill murray instead of a denzel washington?
i see other artists who do just the one style–doing it really well–& i do not judge them for it…
so why am i so hard on myself?
(rhetorical question–i totally know why)

stronger than i know

i am stronger
than i know
i have done things
most people
avoid
i challenge
the world around me
i ask questions
i expect
the truth
i expect
loyalty & compassion
i am stronger
than you know
i will not
stop
challenging
the world
around me.

this occurred to me the other day. it’s funny, i just do what i do…but then i look around and realize that i’m doing things most people choose not to do because it might be too much work or too daunting…etc.
i’m not trying to brag…i’m trying to make myself realize i am much more fantastic than i give myself credit to be.

bit of a series happening with the handy angels

third time’s the charm

first
my second ex-fiance
then
my first ex-fiance
reached out to me
on the internets
of late
a ghost of 1989
a ghost of 1993
both
with dark hair
&
brown eyes
both
leos
& not complete fuckers
like many many other men
in my past (& present)
so
reflecting on such
& noticing
things happening in threes
i guess
i wait
with baited breath
for a third
&
fresh
fiance to find me
tell me if you see
a dark haired
brown eyed
leo.

a little art journaling/meditation about my (so far very uneventful) man-hunt.
i do wonder….

so i have my sheep fingers…and now angels/fairies with hands for wings–what do i call them? handy angels? angel fives? clappers?

who am i today?

i have separated out
the personalities
in my head
by what shoes
(if any)
they wear…
although
recently
a new personality
has emerged
& i have not yet
determined
her
favorite
footwear.

i think we all must have multiple personalities–just not at a clinical level. i mean, when you want to wear something colorful versus when black is the only color that will do.
or, i guess it could just be me?
& there is always that dominant personality. the one we are most days. but then there are the days when someone else takes us over & we are an all new person.
in my case, a person who does panda comics….

i did this illustration experimenting with a pen nib rather than using my usual bamboo pen. the lines are a lot more thin & consistent–less dipping required to do an inking…but i so prefer the randomness of the bamboo pen.

every which way

tomorrow i pack it all into a uhaul and head to wisconsin
tomorrow i begin a new adventure
amidst a new moon
& solar eclipse
& the anti-versary of a molestation
that happened
the very same time
as my beloved dog
becoming lost & eventually found dead
leaving me
with no one to comfort me
these same group of days
that my father’s birthday
falls into
this will be
the first dead father birthday
my emotions are a whirlpool
a tornado
hope & despair spinning fast
as i run away
again
from my childhood home
believing i will find an answer
on the horizon.

the above is a postcard sent to a patron for their support of my patreon page. the following are examples of art to be found on my patreon page.


falling apart

i’m on the email list
apparently
for my old co-op & keep getting emails
about the upcoming reunion
fuck me
i want to burn that place to the ground
i moved in there
full of hope
i escaped there
a jaded & broken person
people are liars. people don’t even know they are liars.
but
they are liars.
they lie to themselves.
they lie to you.
they lie to me.
they pretend they want social justice
they pretend they want to make the world
a better place
they pretend they care about you
they are motherfucking hypocrites….

the carpet folks who saved my mom’s basement (where i live)
have not been paid
i contacted my siblings
before calling in help with the flooded basement
everyone told me to go ahead
call in professionals
the professionals came…did their job well…and saved
the carpet & wood siding
now no one is paying them
i don’t have the money
my mom does
my siblings do
not me
in my stupid stupidity moving here so my siblings could forget about this place
now my heart hurts
for a carpet company
who was unintentionally scammed
by me
it seems
am i a liar?
if i knew then, what i know now
i would have let this place
sink into the mud.

in one week
i will rent a u-haul
& go in a general direction
i have no destination
just
a
general direction
hoping
beyond hope
i will
somehow
land on my feet
once more.

here’s stuff going on over there:

the main image of this post is an art page that went south & so i just doodled the fuck out of it.

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