landscaping

i need to prune
his tendrils
they keep
creeping
clinging
to
me
pulling me
into
quicksand dreams
of desperation
i need to prune
his tendrils
&
be free grow
tall & strong
once
again.

more art journal pages on the tendency of my ex to haunt my dreams. i really need to exorcise that ghost.

my household gods

this one just kinda
jumped out of me
fully formed
from my head
a household god
fed on peanut butter whiskey
& i.p.a’s
a protector
as well as a tormentor
as my fortune cookie
once told me
there is danger
in getting
too
comfortable.

she took up two pages of my art journal. here are scanned pages.

friendship pains

friendship
can be an ugly bird
squatting on a carcass
& laughing
at the people
we love.

this one doesn’t really make a lot of sense. i was angry with a friend who i felt was treating me callously.
i am terribly terribly anti-social. being my friend is not easy. i blame it on my scorpio rising. i just have a nasty sting when provoked.
so
this journal page happened because i felt slighted.

don’t even get me started on my across the street neighbor….

in other news…inappropriate comics with pandas!

i’m not sure about this one…i was thinking of the sound of music for some reason & pandas & well, this just kinda got away from me. i apologize. i think it is the most recent stay-at-home order making me extra inappropriate.

and then there were pandas

i was asked by one of my children
to paint a panda
& was surprised
by how easy it is to paint a panda
then today
feeling frustrated
with my art & life
in general
i got the idea to start a series called
“inappropriate comics with pandas”
so there is that
to look forward to.

sometimes i really worry about me. i’m either inspired or possessed. it’s really hard to tell.

dream lover

you showed up in my dream
again
always there
sweet as pie
miles away in the morning
but by my side
still
in my memories
in my wishes?

i was doodling my dream lover and then added these speech bubbles. apparently dream lover wants me to focus on comics. i’m cool with that. it’s not like i have a shortage of ideas.

surviving myself

i have a fear of abandonment
you see
like many people do
except
instead of clinging
when i feel forgotten
i alienate
i isolate
i build more & better
walls
higher & thicker
walls
because
you see
if you can’t get in
you can’t hurt me
if i never let you in
you can never
leave
me.

this one is dedicated to the last therapist i fired after he cancelled an appointment with me without telling me why. i was going through a hard time anyway & kinda spun out on him.
at an early age my frankenstein’s monster complex kicked in. “if i cannot inspire love, i will cause fear…”
or just turn invisible as was the case for me.
the more my parents ignored me, the more invisible i became.
my little sister became the squeaky wheel…i became the invisible girl.
my method has literally never worked out for me.
but
i persist. because, for an invisible girl, i am persistent in making myself even more miserable.
now
now i am trying to take some walls down…but even as i do, little setbacks get me to stirring the concrete & setting the bricks anew….

metaphors galore…a good name for a band.

collecting my thoughts

words cascade
out of my mind
as i go about my every
day
& i stand under
the waterfall of them
with a bucket
catching only a precious
few….
ideas
fall around me
swirling in the wind
as i struggle to collect
them
but they are gone
before i even know
if they were leaves
or birds….

this is a re-occurring theme for me. i struggle for focus thinking clarity is just around the next corner & if only i could find it i would be that artist, writer, person i want to be.

day of the dead

drinking a whiskey
with my dead
listening to echoes
in my head
light a candle
pour the drink
leave the music on
it’s too quiet to think

for clear reasons, i rarely rhyme my verse. but this one just kind of happened that way.

remember that time i spent the summer living on the land of a member of the ho-chunk nation? a man named reykunami? he spent most of the summer complaining to me about my friend whom he was dating on & off. their on & off again dating cycle ended two days after i wrote this art journal page. she texted me to tell me he had taken her out for margaritas to celebrate the day of the dead. so i wrote this verse. two days later she texted me to tell me he had died. he just laid down on his couch on a warm november day and never woke up again.
the ho-chunks call this “walking on.”
reykunami walked on.
i have conflicted feelings. he was a bit of a son of a bitch & reminded me a lot of dusty in his manipulations…but he had a good heart & did a lot for the rights of nature… and he led such a colorful life!
next year i will make sure to share my whiskey with him.

noise

there is a lot of noise
in my head
voices interrupting voices
ideas
moving
in every direction
too many directions
how do i
quiet
my thoughts
how do i encourage
them
to work with me
rather than
against
me
rather than a traffic
jam
how do i create
moving
paths
to
inspiration
&
clarity?

this touches on the same thoughts as a post a few days ago. quieting those inner thoughts so i can focus enough to do something fabulous.
each day is a little better…but it’s still a work in progress.

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