cool blue

i am
a deep
deep deep
clear
cool
spring-fed
pool
of water
with my sun sign
in cancer
i am a place
to relax
& replentish
i am calm
until
i am
a tidal wave
a hurricane
a tsunami
with a moon sign
& rising sign
in scorpio
i can become
a storm
like you have never seen
until
i am
again
a calm
clear
cool pool.

this is a visualization that came to me while getting body work done. i guess more on my current state of celebrating the balance in my life.

scorpio moon

i have known this about myself for awhile, but i don’t think i have journaled about it?
it came to light a couple of days ago when i realized i could not meet up with a friend because i despise her boyfriend…i spent the last summer living at his place listening to him bitch about her. he is manipulative & babyish & i sincerely do not want to waste my time being anywhere near him….
i sometimes wish i could fake it
but also
not.

wanted: strong & silent type

this guy showed up in my tarot spread a couple of days ago in the “near future” position of my celtic cross spread.
he could either indicate something to be found inside me (self-reliance, closeness to nature, steady & practical) or he could indicate someone coming into my life.
please please please be my punk rock lumberjack poet! my own sweet shepherd.
i can live alone. i can do this. i can sort of be practical if i have to be, but i don’t wanna. i really really don’t wanna.

i read in the empath survival guide that there are three kinds of partners for the full blown empath (me.)
they are the intellect, the empath, and the strong, silent type.
i want door number three.
i argue with intellects; i don’t think i could deal with another empath; i need my lumberjack.

once upon a time i married a strong, silent type. a nice earthy earth sign (taurus.) it was nice. he had his room; i had mine. we ate together–but different meals (he was all meat & potatoes–i am fanatic about veg.) we would go out to live music shows & have cocktails & he would take me out to eat all the time (i like being fed.)
problem was, he didn’t know what to think of me.
and my empathic abilities could not deal with his waffling on whether or not he wanted to be with me.
he pulled away, and i pulled away even further.
like to another state.

but i think that he is the closest to a stable relationship that i have experienced.
fire signs ravage me & leave nothing behind.
air signs irritate me & make me want to do things jut to spite them.
other water signs are fun…but too much of the same leaves no room for passion.
earth signs. they sometimes irritate me too–because they are so fucking stubborn…but they also help ground me.
something i do need.

so, universe, if you are listening. i am ready for my punkrock lumberjack poet now.
thank you

the empath vs. the narcissist

yes, i might still have some angst towards my ex-husband; why do you ask?

i like this one. i used a photo of a statue of conan the barbarian to model it after–which explains why my boobs are bigger than usual.

dusty is a sagittarius born in year of the dragon
i am a cancer born in year of the dog
whether you are into astrology or not, you can probably imagine that and know it is just a bad fucking mix.

dusty is way into being a dragon. i once drew a dragon for him…it was beautiful…but i forgot the wings & he was all pissy about it. i just realized i forgot the wings on this one as well. i don’t think it is an accident. i don’t think dusty has wings. he is decidedly stuck on the rocks.

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