eight years…

wordpress just let me know it’s my eight year anniversary
whoa
how my art
my writing
& my way of viewing myself
the world
& relationships
has changed in eight years…
maybe not anything earth shattering
but
everything
has gotten a bit more proportional at least

this is a character from a story i played around with eight years ago in an art class. a story i still hope to finish developing one day.
eight years ago i was about to give birth to my fourth & final child. i was in an awful & emotionally abusive relationship with the dad. eight years ago i was attending art classes at uw and had just spawned moses jones. eight years ago i was in a lot of pain.
i somehow survived.
now i love & adore my four little monsters even when they are driving me mad. i no longer go to the dark dark places i went to back then–or at least i can still see the light when the dark decends. i can successfully ward off the wooings of the dad (who just this past weekend tried his hand at seducing me again.) i can suffer through the loneliness knowing i am who i am & am not going to accept anything less. i am working on my third publication. i am (slowly) selling art. i am working on a novel while editing two other books i wrote years ago to see if they are publishable….
and! i have my madness manor & my breathtaking view of the hills around me. i have a home–in more sense than one.
i have found my home.

anything is possible

i fell down the stairs today
& decided i am indestructible
i made kimchi today
& decided i am magical
i went for a barefoot walk today
& decided i am a wildwitch. a goddess
i started a fictional relationship today
& decided anything is possible

just another day in the life. on good days i feel like this. trotting around town in my barefeet, making yummy food by fermenting veg in my pantry. having complicated relationships with unattainable people….

happy birthday, mike

my brother died just after 
obama was elected
november is all about
memories of 
my brother
presidential elections &
birthday
twelve years ago today
was the last time

i spoke to him
twelve years
same as the age of my second child
who was just starting to stand up
to crawl
when my brother
died
my children 
who my brother told me
privately
were the most beautiful babies
& offered
as true to his missionary pro-lifer code
to take any children i could not
love

(his wife had opted out of more children
after four)
i think of my brother today
i bake him a cake
have a drink with him
watch a movie that reminds me
of him.…
he was my big brother
he would have been 57 today.

mothra’s day II

another peek inside the dark darkness that mother’s day provokes in me.
here’s hoping i have some reins on this come next year!

on a more positive note, i really like this illustration–especially my portrayal of depression.

lincoln tree & sheep fingers

a reader of my blog asked the very important question of where the fuck did these sheep fingers originate anyway (to paraphrase.)
here.
this watercolor done years ago, titled “lincoln tree & sheep fingers” (& available for the low low price of $85)
why did i arbitrarily give the sheep human fingers for legs? i guess that is a question for my psychotherapist…if i were to have one…. however, to answer why i continue to do them–it’s because the swirlyness helps ease my rabid mind. and the fingers help the cynical & creepy part of me feel okay with the cuteness of sheep.
and i do love sheep.

my most recent inking of sheep fingers

desperate

when you walked
through the door
it was the best part
of my
every day
you were my best
friend
you were the person
i wanted to tell
everything
everything
i would have plucked
my heart
out of my chest
to show you
so you could see
what you meant to me


you took
what i gave you
& you
twisted it into
some
obscene
version
of what my love
was
you took
what i gave you
& you
gave me nothing
i am
nothing
to you
you took
what i gave you
& you
left me
empty
empty
& desperate
to hear
my dead heart
beat
again.

art in response to fuddy duddies

i had a clash with one of my publishers. i was trying to be a supportive friend in his time of crisis…but then we totally clashed on a religious plane. he is an atheist, & i am pagan. i was willing to accept his position–he was not willing to accept mine.
so i got pissy.
in my defense, a friend of mine drank all my beer so i have no salve for the rabies in my brain.
i got in a big text fight with dusty on the same day.
sometimes i just really need a beer….
anyhoo
i have found that atheists tend to be even more intolerant of other ideologies than christians are.
& this dude proved me right once more.
sigh.
but it has worked out. he has become my un-a-muse-d.

not always so graphic…

knowledge is power….

in my new embracing of my comic life…i am starting to take my odd or quirky thought & turn it into a comic. because, fuck it, i think i’m funny.

here is today’s….

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