zen motherhood

my therapist is helping me a lot with my mothering struggles. he seems to be on my side. which is nice for a change. he says it’s okay that i lose my mind every once in awhile. he tells me i’m only human, & i’ve been trying to dig myself out of this ditch for a long time.

it’s weird that he is so nice to me. i’m not used to being validated.

meanwhile, i keep my eyes open for the julie andrews to my christopher plummer….

& over on my patreon site:

fallen some more

looking for that special someone

heart of squid

disappear

missionary man

all i want

Advertisements

nothing for free

my brand new therapist says i tend to give it away & then i don’t get any respect & then i end up with lazy men who don’t appreciate me or feel inclined to care about me….

i really like my brand new therapist.

in the spirit of therapy, here are sneak peeks at pages of my art journal over on patron that you cannot see for free…but for the small price of love, respect, and a dollar.

a dream of mud men…terrifying…or is it?

a page on what i would do then vs. what i will do now when a boy dares me….

& a post on what is really safe…what is really sane….

good morning…it’s me

i am now gainfully employed…ish
working just part time
so the minions & my art stay
nurtured.
but my art is not as insistent
as my minions
until i find myself going
a little bit
mad
for neglecting it.

i am enjoying playing with my own style
as well as accepting that it is
what it is…
i look forward to doing some finished pieces–but that might have to wait until i am a bit more finished myself…at least as far as housing goes.

my postings on my patreon page are sporadic as well…but you are welcome to see for yourself for just $1 a month!

this is my life

i was squatting in a stream this morning to wash the mud out of misha’s clothes when i thought
“this is my life”

how did i get here?
which twists & turns & choices made
led me to this place

i am both grateful for a place to be
to figure out my next step
& anxious
about where that next step will take me.

to help support my journey in exchange for art & writings by me…check out my patreon page.

today on my patron page i share two art journal pages & my recent brush with misanthropy & theories with how isolation feeds a dark part of one’s soul.

crusty & morose

my soul
is dislocated
i cannot feel
anything
but a raging fire
of
indifference
with light showers
of disgust
& several hues
of irritation
life feels like
lukewarm
leftovers
that i am hungry
enough
to eat
some of
but then the rest
is left
to become
crusty
a half-finished
bowl
of
disappointment.

it’s like a drinking game for mixed metaphors. ha! i am starting to feel better. doing art has relieved some of my angst. but it is still there. seeping. dripping. getting under my foundation and uprooting all my so-called progress (i had to throw in another fucking metaphor.)
i feel ugly & fat & my hair is just stupid & everything sucks.
but!
i will keep drawing & see if i can ink myself out of this corner. (does that count as a metaphor?)

credit to evelyn de morgan for the illustration today. she is pretty awesome & all of her artwork just oozes gloom & doom.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑