it’s always inktober in my heart

in 2016 i did inktober for the first time…
after thirty-one days of inking
daily
i could not stop
i did not want to stop
and six years later
i am still inking
almost every day
it has saved my life
it has made me a better person
it has helped me grow & heal
so
thank you inktober
you’re my hero.

i do not really participate anymore mostly because i only realize it is inktober several days into october. however, generally i have inked every day without realizing. mostly because i ink every day of the other eleven months of the year as well. when i don’t do art, i can tell, i start to go a little (more) crazy.

last night i had a total meltdown. like sinking lower than i have sank in awhile. terrible monster mom meltdown.
so what did i do? i inked it out…and i felt better…i started the healing process.
i will probably share that inking with y’all considering one of the reasons i share at all is because i want the ugly to not fester in a dark place but to come into the light…however i need a little time to process.

in the meantime, i wish you all a happy inktober.

the above doodle might look like watercolor–but it is totally ink 🙂

fire

last but
certainly
not least
fire
my fire
i love to watch you dance
& so often
i burn myself
on your flames
but i come back again
& again
because
even it it does not make sense
for water
to love fire
i crave
your bright & enduring heat.

(this one dedicated to the many many many fire signs i have adored–both friends & lovers)

earth

to the earth
i go
to ground myself
because i so often
need
grounding
adrift
in my watery self
let me
dig in the dirt
& build
my home.

air

i drift on the air
lost in my thoughts
feeling
the air move
through me
around me
away
from me
my thoughts
escaping
me.

water

i start with water
because i am
water
a cancer
with scorpio rising
i am an emotional
soup
blood, sweat, and especially
tears
i wash myself away
& emerge
baptized.

elemental

i’m feeling angsty.
like my art sucks
which is dumb…but it is what it is
so!
instead of moping
i am fiddling with my style.
i will post one each day
for the next few days
of my elemental
doodles.

daily nightly

thank you to everyone who bought art from my sale! you all are wonderful.

i’m struggling right now with the fact that being able to put weight on my leg does not mean i am back to normal. i’m sure that is a sign of the way i approach life, just assuming i can do it without putting in the work? expecting to be a success from the word “go”?
ack…doing the hard work….
instead i laid on the floor today crying because i cannot do an extended child pose in yoga. not to mention most of the other poses i did effortlessly before this.
doesn’t that count for something? that i used to be able to do it…just 3 months ago??

so i guess i have to take the long way.
again.

ppbbt.

daily nightly…9X12…$45-$75 (sliding scale)

i’ve fallen & i haven’t gotten up

two weeks ago i fell off of a step ladder & broke my knee
monday i fell
tuesday i got around to going to the er
wednesday i went to an orthopedic surgeon
thursday i had surgery
now 10 weeks of non-weight bearing activity
believe you me
i have written plenty of pages about it & all the resulting epiphanies
however
i do not have internet at my house & it is difficult
to get out of the house & to the internet
so!
if anyone wants to donate money for internet
i got the paypal button on those pages for buying/donating….
otherwise
good things come to those who wait….

quixotic updates

i am working on this new ink on canvas tentatively titled “foxy.” i really like working on canvas & now that i am down to my last free canvas, i am thinking of buying more for future creations.
that bunny keeps hopping into my art lately. i have even started a children’s book starring him.
fun fact. after i wrote the text for said children’s book, i went to my sun porch, looked out the window, and watched three bunnies eating dandelions in my backyard. i stood & watched for at least ten minutes. if you have never watched a bunny eat a dandelion, you are totally missing out.

in other news, i went through all my journals looking for “fodder” for books & stories. i have decided to focus on one project at a time instead of being easily distracted & starting new projects without finishing old ones. after the children’s book illustrations are done, i will focus on finishing the text & doing illustrations for my novel, a better life through sock puppets.
i am trying to give myself credit for what i have achieved. i let myself be proud of the fact that i found so many random ideas & sketches worth working with! including the above gem from 2016.

so i am not moping. i am rebuilding that fucking tower & giving myself credit for doing a good job with it.
as they say in my home state of wisconsin–forward!

the invisible exhibitionist

the invisible exhibitionist was, in part, my response to social media. being a highly sensitive introvert, social media was especially difficult for me. why was everyone happy but me?
so instead of posting selfies with perfect hair, i inked how i saw myself, warts & all. instead of photos of my delicious meal or fantastic vacation, i posted free verse that glorified all of my short comings as a mother. as a daughter. as a friend & lover. 

i didn’t want to show everyone how well i was doing, i wanted to reassure others that they were not alone in their struggles.

the invisible exhibitionist is available through lulu.com or contact me for an autographed copy. 

image is “feral” one of the self-portraits from my book

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