if yesterday were today

an art journal page…

you ever think back to that person who was once upon a time your best friend & wonder what if you’d been more than friends?

clarity

a journal page on my recent realization that i need to stop using anger as a shield.

art journal musings….

i don’t write in my art journal as manically as i have for the past some years…but i still do use it for my overwhelming feelings.
it works out as inspiration for other pieces.
angst is a good thing.

furthermore…

here’s another art journal page inspired by my religiously intolerant soon-to-be-ex publisher.
i was trying to be understanding of his taking over 2 times what he said it would take to publish my collection & never answering my emails, but his telling me that magic is only in the mind of a human was just too much for me.
so i’m starting from scratch on publishing my short story collection…if you have any recommendations for small presses, let me know.

what’s the opposite of rolling with the punches?

so…i’m no longer living on a bus!
y’all–i managed to get off the bus!

me & the minions have a house in a quaint neighborhood of a quaint town in wisconsin.
and! i claimed a room as a room of my own! except for the pet rat, the dog, and being also a space for books & puzzles…i have a room that is all mine for writing & drawing & just staring out the window!
so that’s nice.
but i have flunked out of therapy…not before reprising my list of ideals for a romantic relationship, however.
next on my list of “what i want”…that guy who won’t make me feel like crap.

& then, also on the list of things i desire (after a roof & a man) is a job doing what i actually want to be doing.
i am working outside the home for the first time in forever….but the honeymoon is over on the new job.
now i just want to sit at home & draw…and write…and go for walks & on bike rides…garden a bit…travel….
sigh.

though i forgot about INKtober, as sarah of fresh hell pointed out to me, every day is kinda inktober for me. actually, ever since INKtober 2016, i have been covered in ink.
it’s a bit scary how much i have drawn in these last three years.
i should have a book…or something.
but, no, i am not exactly rolling with the punches….
i feel like a complete failure as my patreon page whispers softly to me, “my god you suck….”
& in other areas of life, mother–(crap…am i anything other than a mother???) i am also sucking suckiness.
if you want to confirm this for me (my failure as artist, writer, & mother) feel free to check out my patreon page.

so there is my way past due update, dear reader…

ps. i do not have internet (but would accept it as a gift) so any online postings are sporadic at best

zen motherhood

my therapist is helping me a lot with my mothering struggles. he seems to be on my side. which is nice for a change. he says it’s okay that i lose my mind every once in awhile. he tells me i’m only human, & i’ve been trying to dig myself out of this ditch for a long time.

it’s weird that he is so nice to me. i’m not used to being validated.

meanwhile, i keep my eyes open for the julie andrews to my christopher plummer….

& over on my patreon site:

fallen some more

looking for that special someone

heart of squid

disappear

missionary man

all i want

nothing for free

my brand new therapist says i tend to give it away & then i don’t get any respect & then i end up with lazy men who don’t appreciate me or feel inclined to care about me….

i really like my brand new therapist.

in the spirit of therapy, here are sneak peeks at pages of my art journal over on patron that you cannot see for free…but for the small price of love, respect, and a dollar.

a dream of mud men…terrifying…or is it?

a page on what i would do then vs. what i will do now when a boy dares me….

& a post on what is really safe…what is really sane….

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