what’s the opposite of rolling with the punches?

so…i’m no longer living on a bus!
y’all–i managed to get off the bus!

me & the minions have a house in a quaint neighborhood of a quaint town in wisconsin.
and! i claimed a room as a room of my own! except for the pet rat, the dog, and being also a space for books & puzzles…i have a room that is all mine for writing & drawing & just staring out the window!
so that’s nice.
but i have flunked out of therapy…not before reprising my list of ideals for a romantic relationship, however.
next on my list of “what i want”…that guy who won’t make me feel like crap.

& then, also on the list of things i desire (after a roof & a man) is a job doing what i actually want to be doing.
i am working outside the home for the first time in forever….but the honeymoon is over on the new job.
now i just want to sit at home & draw…and write…and go for walks & on bike rides…garden a bit…travel….
sigh.

though i forgot about INKtober, as sarah of fresh hell pointed out to me, every day is kinda inktober for me. actually, ever since INKtober 2016, i have been covered in ink.
it’s a bit scary how much i have drawn in these last three years.
i should have a book…or something.
but, no, i am not exactly rolling with the punches….
i feel like a complete failure as my patreon page whispers softly to me, “my god you suck….”
& in other areas of life, mother–(crap…am i anything other than a mother???) i am also sucking suckiness.
if you want to confirm this for me (my failure as artist, writer, & mother) feel free to check out my patreon page.

so there is my way past due update, dear reader…

ps. i do not have internet (but would accept it as a gift) so any online postings are sporadic at best

zen motherhood

my therapist is helping me a lot with my mothering struggles. he seems to be on my side. which is nice for a change. he says it’s okay that i lose my mind every once in awhile. he tells me i’m only human, & i’ve been trying to dig myself out of this ditch for a long time.

it’s weird that he is so nice to me. i’m not used to being validated.

meanwhile, i keep my eyes open for the julie andrews to my christopher plummer….

& over on my patreon site:

fallen some more

looking for that special someone

heart of squid

disappear

missionary man

all i want

nothing for free

my brand new therapist says i tend to give it away & then i don’t get any respect & then i end up with lazy men who don’t appreciate me or feel inclined to care about me….

i really like my brand new therapist.

in the spirit of therapy, here are sneak peeks at pages of my art journal over on patron that you cannot see for free…but for the small price of love, respect, and a dollar.

a dream of mud men…terrifying…or is it?

a page on what i would do then vs. what i will do now when a boy dares me….

& a post on what is really safe…what is really sane….

good morning…it’s me

i am now gainfully employed…ish
working just part time
so the minions & my art stay
nurtured.
but my art is not as insistent
as my minions
until i find myself going
a little bit
mad
for neglecting it.

i am enjoying playing with my own style
as well as accepting that it is
what it is…
i look forward to doing some finished pieces–but that might have to wait until i am a bit more finished myself…at least as far as housing goes.

my postings on my patreon page are sporadic as well…but you are welcome to see for yourself for just $1 a month!

this is my life

i was squatting in a stream this morning to wash the mud out of misha’s clothes when i thought
“this is my life”

how did i get here?
which twists & turns & choices made
led me to this place

i am both grateful for a place to be
to figure out my next step
& anxious
about where that next step will take me.

to help support my journey in exchange for art & writings by me…check out my patreon page.

today on my patron page i share two art journal pages & my recent brush with misanthropy & theories with how isolation feeds a dark part of one’s soul.

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