these walls were made for breaking

i have had a block
against relationships
for as long
as i can
remember
it never stopped me
from loving
or being
in a relationship
but did
help me to leave easily
to disconnect easily
when i found myself
compromised
conflicted
abused
now i am figuring out
how to save
myself
maybe now
i can let go
of that part of me
& be stronger
for it?

my text of the written verse is altered to show some hesitation & less confidence about my moving forward with breaking these fucking walls down.
& the illustration shows some of the angst i have been feeling lately.
so much angst.
so much.

backwards III

sometime after writing this page, i started feeling a bit better. one step forward, three steps back.
hopefully i will get turned back in the right direction soon.

i totally kept fucking up this drawing, but instead of starting over, i just kept drawing until i felt like i got it right. i kinda like how it turned out. another reminder to myself that i am the result of all of my fuck ups…but that might not be a bad thing.

art journal musings….

i don’t write in my art journal as manically as i have for the past some years…but i still do use it for my overwhelming feelings.
it works out as inspiration for other pieces.
angst is a good thing.

moses jones episode 3 page 5

my brain is being pleasantly peaceful & neutral. which is great for me…but usually means no new art journal pages as i have nothing to obsess about right now.
so weird.
but! i decided to take the opportunity of having a vacation from angst to do a new page of moses jones.
fun story…just as i was finishing this page & thinking how i like the way it looks, i spilled a full bottle of black ink onto the page…and my journal…and the floor.
again, my brain took it in stride (i might have someone else’s brain right now) and i quickly chose to salvage the page first, the floor next (not realizing i had also spilled ink on my journal) and then my journal once i realized it was in a pool of ink.

so…thankfully my art is usually messy, but if it seems a bit messier than usual….
& moses jones pages tend to be darker than my other work. but this one might be a bit darker than usual…in more than one way.
i only cried a little while inking it.

everything happens

everything happens
whether there is a reason or not
everything happens
whether you like it or not

i started this picture a couple of days ago
it started out as yet another self-portrait…but i kinda morphed into some stephen tyler androgynous fairy person. then i didn’t know what to do about the background. if i had finished it that day, it would have been a completely different picture.
if i had finished it yesterday,
it would have been a completely different picture.
this is my day, today. my fairy heart is being devoured by the cat of angst.
or…you know…whatever.

so i was given a printer by a friend. and i used it instead of the camera i usually use to capture my art…but i am not sure what the fuck i did wrong. this looks weird to me…& fuck ups that i can’t see with my eye are showing up.

maybe i did the settings wrong?
maybe i will get this figured out?
or maybe it will just stay like this for now?
i guess we will find out.

*i did fix it…so if you are all, “wow, that does look like crap”…no, that’s just my art*

but do know this.
everything happens.

a shithead in sheep’s clothing

i see you
i see you now
you hide in your chameleon’s skin
you turn the tables
you play victim
you say, “i wouldn’t have done it if you–”
you say, “but look at how awful you are”
you are a master of distraction
a master of disguise
while a moth wears predator’s eyes
for protection
you are a shithead in sheep’s clothing

bear with me, y’all. i am working through some angst & frustration.
nothing to see here!
it’s all a part of the healing….

now i need to go do some art.

(the minions are out of town & i am down in the dumps)

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