don’t walk away

though i feel comfort
at the thought
of a no-more
a
never-more
i am invested
in this story
& long to know
how it will
unfold
will i laugh?
will i cry?
i will not stop
turning the pages
of my life
even if at times
i feel
like
setting the book
down
& walking
the fuck
away,
i come back
i come back
i pick up
where i left off
my story
this
is not
the end.

originally posted on august 31, 2018

another one towards the one day realization of the invisible exhibitionist.

i tore up so many versions of this. i am still not completely happy with the final…but there is a lot i like about it too.
i am not sure why i went with lewis carroll’s drawing of alice for this one. i do know that i have always loved this illustration. when i re-did it, i worked from my version of the illustration, without looking at his, which is my habit. to work from my own art that i first borrowed from someone else….
if that makes sense.

anyhoo!
i noticed that this as well as my last post are about survival & not doing myself in as the little voices sometimes suggest…so that’s nice.

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don’t walk away

though i feel comfort
at the thought
of a no-more
a
never-more
i am invested
in this story
& long to know
how it will
unfold
will i laugh?
will i cry?
i will not stop
turning the pages
of my life
even if at times
i feel
like
setting the book
down
& walking
the fuck
away,
i come back
i come back
i pick up
where i left off
my story
this
is not
the end.

whenever i say “don’t walk away” in real life, i actually sing it. rick springfield, y’all. (rick springfield rocks!!) i have done it so consistently, that my kids have started doing it as well.
maybe it’s my theme song now.
historically, my theme song has been “boots” as sung by nancy sinatra…& “born to run” as sung by frankie goes to hollywood (sorry bruce.)
maybe it’s time for an update.

credit for my drawing, of course, goes to lewis carrol who may have been a perv but who wrote & illustrated at least one of the best stories. this is one of my favorite favorite illustrations amid the original lewis carrol drawings. i once thought of getting it as a tattoo.

ps. i also consider “you got lucky” by tom petty to be my theme song.
pss. that’s the extent of my flirting…watch out, boys.

disappearing smile

i was so
preoccupied
looking at who i was
in our relationship
so bewildered
by my own behavior
by what i had
become
i never noticed
you
i never really saw
who you were
i pretended
you were
innocent & good
i trusted you
when you told me
you were perfect
because
what else could you be
if i was already
the monster?

i played around with this one a little. i don’t actually look like a cheshire cat…but he is one of my favorites in the land of alice.
plus i’m home alone with three cats right now and (i’m not a cat person.) so when i went to draw myself as a monster….
i mean, playing with hearts as if they are made of catnip? or, in the case of my cat roscoe, the thing you pull off a bottle of milk to open it. that plastic ring. a heart as a plastic ring? i mean, i did play with hearts…but only the still beating ones.
never realizing that mine was being played with as well….

okay…that might show up in pages to come….

days of magic

so spilling ink and finding images in it is both an exercise and a meditation. it opens my mind up to pictures i might not have come up with. it is kind of like scrying, i think. maybe it is my magic.

i wonder if i will leave these pictures as is. stop here.
or will i take elements of the picture?
or the whole picture?
and recreate it in a less messy format?

i love doing my ink stain pictures. my ink blot art tests. i see the weirdest things. i found the rabbit first in this one, but the clock in his hands was added last. i knew he was carrying something…but how does he know he is late if the clock is just blinking twelve o’clock? the elements of this picture seem separate to me…but they work together as well. the lady of the lake–one of my favorite things i found in it…she doesn’t really work with the picture–but she is there. in the water. where she would be.
so.
there it is.

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