fine!

so i was talking to michael coates about collaborating with him on some stories he’s written.
like, talking on the phone.
& he lives on a totally different continent than i do. & he talks really fast. & i’m not always sure i can understand when people talk british.
but
i was doing my best.
except, you know the rule (it might be one of einstein’s theories–i can’t remember for sure) something about how much more likely a child will have to immediately-now speak to a parent if they are on the phone?
so that was happening.
at one point my six year old came in to tell me, “clementine says, ‘fine’.”
i tried to remember, as i conversed over the ocean, what the question was that the answer was “fine.”
it was beyond me.
but my not responding fast enough insured that my eight year old then came into the kitchen to tell me, “i said ‘fine’,” repeatedly until i was forced to tell her ‘okay’ to an answer to a question that i had either forgotten or not known in the first place.

when i was little i was convinced people could not hear when on the phone because my mom was so good at pretending i was not there while she talked on the phone.

long story short…i doodled the word “fine” & then doodled a picture that i based this inking on.
fine.
i also found myself adding it to the dialogue in the page of moses jones i am working on.

(i just realized i forgot to add too many shadows…but i will still post it.)

running to you

journal entry about dusty.
we have been getting along so well, that i now feel sad when he leaves…& not sad like, “i wish things could have been different” but sad like i’m missing him & wishing he could stay.
so weird.
we have had our ups & downs & on & offs…but they always followed the same destructive pattern.
this time really truly is different. i’m not just saying that to try to convince myself it is true.

coincidentally, today would be our 17th wedding anniversary if i weren’t so good at divorcing people.

unwanted

journal entry from my birthday.
i spent a big chunk of the day locked in my bedroom crying.
i forget how those feelings come up & just bite a big hole in my heart.

sister

journal entry from the day before my birthday.

speaking of sisters…mine is visiting. i forgot what a terrible guest she makes. i am very sad about it. pissy. & feeling shallow for feeling upset.
people.
if you go to visit someone, bring a small gift & be helpful.
if you go to visit someone right after their 50th birthday, fucking bring a bottle of something or some nice jewelry & feed them!!
maybe my priorities are off?? but right now i feel like i am having to be a good hostess against my will.
which sucks.
my hostess skills are questionable anyway.
i can manage the feeding & cleaning involved…but being gracious goes against my nature when i feel pissy.
& i feel pissy.

ps. for anyone wondering what my new journal is…it is found here…& i love it….

fly free

this is the first page of a new journal.
i am much happier with the quality of this journal than with my last journal.
i tend to forget what brand of journals i buy & then just buy whatever…but i bought a “canson” brand journal last time, and the paper was crap. the ink would soak in before i could work with it & leak through to the next page.
i like this one much better…though i have forgotten who makes it.
i need to remember to give them a good review. unfortunately, i tend to act quick to give a bad review…but forget about the good ones.
i will let y’all know who makes my current journal.

i don’t wanna grow old

okay.
i’m pretty despondent about this whole age thing. this is something that has never happened to me before. age is just a number, right?
but this number is freaking me out.
poop.
i am posting this the day after my birthday…but i wrote it two days before my birthday…& it is the day before my birthday as i am scheduling it to post.
(i hope i survive my birthday!)

hot august nights

except it’s still just july
it’s my birthday even!
here i am in my birthday tiara…looking…well…hot.
(i’m not sweating; i’m glowing…like a sweaty moon.)

some assembly required

if i move
away
from myself
up a little
spinning
off
from the trap
of humanity
what do i see
who am i
what is it
all
about?

here is another pen drawing done on a hot summer night. i have been paying attention to my color use. i definitely am using more “hot” colors since summer came compared to the cooler colors of spring.
i don’t do it on purpose…it just happens that way.

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