this one just kinda jumped out of me fully formed from my head a household god fed on peanut butter whiskey & i.p.a’s a protector as well as a tormentor as my fortune cookie once told me there is danger in getting too comfortable.
she took up two pages of my art journal. here are scanned pages.
i have separated out the personalities in my head by what shoes (if any) they wear… although recently a new personality has emerged & i have not yet determined her favorite footwear.
i think we all must have multiple personalities–just not at a clinical level. i mean, when you want to wear something colorful versus when black is the only color that will do. or, i guess it could just be me? & there is always that dominant personality. the one we are most days. but then there are the days when someone else takes us over & we are an all new person. in my case, a person who does panda comics….
i did this illustration experimenting with a pen nib rather than using my usual bamboo pen. the lines are a lot more thin & consistent–less dipping required to do an inking…but i so prefer the randomness of the bamboo pen.
just for fun i’m only drinking when i really really really feel like it (not just as a reflex happy hour for one) & sometimes not even then opting to notice the *need* & just let it go… so now i notice when my mind turns to craving the numbness alcohol brings i am noticing now when & why i wish to be numb.
mostly it is times when being a mom feels overwhelming & impossible…or when my ex is picking picking picking at the energy field around me, whittling it away…
but today, my neighbor (mentioned yesterday) came to my house to complain about my twelve year old. yes. he is annoying. sneaky. manipulative. & plays really really rough sometimes (he has sensory processing disorder & doesn’t always respect boundaries) …but he is also a scapegoat for women/mothers like my neighbor. hyper judgey gossipy drama queens. i’ve noticed a pattern. & it’s not like her kids are any better. also, she is best buds with the kid who is my kid’s arch nemesis. another sneaky & manipulative boy about my son’s age. so it’s kinda annoying that she thinks this kid is golden while mine is garbage? & the other day i told this rotten neighbor kid to stop making drama & to play nicely with all the kids instead of causing problems. he told angry neighbor lady (not his mom–i don’t even know who his mom is) that i yelled at him. i did not yell at him. so bitchy neighbor lady is telling me i cannot talk to kids? i have to talk to parents??? i told her bullshit–if a kid is causing problems with my kids–fuck yeah i’m going to say something. otherwise who the fuck is checking these kids’ behavior? if my kid is being an ass, i expect someone to tell him (nicely & as an adult) that he is being an ass. it takes a fucking village, right?
long story short–i really could have used a drink after throwing said neighbor lady out of my house–but i did not partake. just noted the urge. & let it go….
i’ve noticed that i have inked faces familiar to the one on my journal page above several times. maybe i should name her?
friendship can be an ugly bird squatting on a carcass & laughing at the people we love.
this one doesn’t really make a lot of sense. i was angry with a friend who i felt was treating me callously. i am terribly terribly anti-social. being my friend is not easy. i blame it on my scorpio rising. i just have a nasty sting when provoked. so this journal page happened because i felt slighted.
don’t even get me started on my across the street neighbor….
in other news…inappropriate comics with pandas!
i’m not sure about this one…i was thinking of the sound of music for some reason & pandas & well, this just kinda got away from me. i apologize. i think it is the most recent stay-at-home order making me extra inappropriate.
i analyzed my dreams this morning & got an unanimous answer my dreams say, “fuck you” fuck you & the horse you rode in on just whatever dude whatever ever ever …ever fuck off for real like totally.
this one goes out to my ex-husband. my second ex-husband, who won’t stay out of my subconscious for some reason. i guess my subconscious just wants to make doubly tripply sure i do not get back together with him–again. thanks for watching out for me, subconscious!
i was asked by one of my children to paint a panda & was surprised by how easy it is to paint a panda then today feeling frustrated with my art & life in general i got the idea to start a series called “inappropriate comics with pandas” so there is that to look forward to.
sometimes i really worry about me. i’m either inspired or possessed. it’s really hard to tell.
one two three four moving forward on my path one two three four the numbers on my clock when i wake in the night one two three four leadership building something magical with your life one two three four the number of words written one two three four the universe assuring me i actually do know what the fuck i am doing.
after several days of seeing “1234” everywhere i looked. i checked out this website to find out why i might be seeing these numbers everywhere. if you’re witchy like me or believe in powers beyond yourself, you tend to respect numerology & look/listen for signs. since writing this art journal page, i have not seen the numbers again–which i assume means the message was received. assume it means i can keep to this path i have made for myself in faith that i really am going somewhere on it. so that’s pretty groovy.
**i also noticed that after days of inkings looking vacant–looking inward…i inked someone with some focus.
i was doodling the other day, worried that i will go a bit mad just writing & not drawing. so this is what i drew. my feral self? i was writing in my novel-in-progress for nanowrimo about feeling like a coyote. dingo. even hyena… but definitely not foxy. i’m thankful i have art & writing to exorcise my neurotic demons!
(i’m worried about my inkings…they all have such vacant stares…. maybe i need some focus)