curses

The literati mafia

say it in anger
say it in frustration
in sadness
& sorrow
say it in exasperation
in amazement
& awe
say it for effect
for emphasis
say it to make yourself
laugh
for levity
for celebration
for kinship
say it
just to say it…
(i for one
am glad to live in an era
when it is–
at the least–
acceptable for a mom
to curse
like a sailor.)

© quixotic mama 2018
for more of my art & writings jump over to quixotic mama
the image is one from my self-portrait series, done with ink pen & ink brush.

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turning a page

granted, due to the amount of ink & water i use, i am only able to use one side of a page, but yes–i am finishing another journal. i have written onto the final two pages & now just have to illustrate.
& i have written an entry already onto the first page of the new one.
i started the almost finished journal in early march of this year. a little over four months, and it is full.
wow.
when i look back through them, i am amazed.
who knew i had so much to say?
(okay, i knew–but before i started doing this art journal exercise–i mostly just said it to myself)
this is the fourth journal i have filled since last october when i started doing my self-portrait project. is there a world’s record for self-portraits? how many more do i need to do?

also, i am exploring more environmental/food stuff issues with my journaling–not just the wreck of me, but the wreck of all of us.
so we’ll see how that goes.

“The challenge for all of us is to find those few causes which are peculiarly our own, those to which we are clearly called, and then to embrace them wholeheartedly,” writes Scott Russell Sanders in his book Hunting for Hope.
for me, that is our food systems & how far we have all wandered away from nature & good food. the environmental effects of our lost ways. other than healing my own wounds through my art (& reaching out to others who know my pain) i hope to influence a shift in how we see our food systems and the destruction they wreak on us & on our world. maybe it is arrogance & delusion to think anyone would listen to me…but i at least have to try.

burnt fingers

why have i let them
why have i let men
have the best parts
of me
giving my everything
to them
apologizing
for it not being
enough
holding torches
that just
burn my fingers.

a short poem…a simple drawing. liberally using my white space.

i borrowed from my figure drawing book (expressive figure drawing) for this one.

audience participation

a project i am working on is going through old art journal entries and picking the ones that speak loudest to me to do a more polished version of. if i like the artwork or the poem, i will re-do it, polishing up the words & images.
so i was wondering if anyone had any requests? you can look through any of my “look at me” pages and let me know if you want me to do an improved (take more than my usual fifteen minutes & use good paper) version of the page.
just an idea.
otherwise, i will be following my own path, as usual.

grow

the last illusion
shattered
those straws you were grasping
have left you
empty
you are a husk
an emptiness
& all you can do now is
grow
up
& stronger
& towards the light
grow.

thank you to vincent van gogh for inspiration/material for this self-portrait. we probably would have made each other miserable, but i would have been better off loving him. i do like the gingers.

awakening

& then one day you realize
that the one
who you had convinced yourself
loved you truly
you realize that he
is just as big a
turd
cunt
fuck
as the rest of them
& you don’t know how to feel
because what does it mean
if there was no love
in your life
after all
no love
what does that say
about you?
did you hold onto him so hard
just to prove to yourself
that someone
could
love
you?
& what does it mean that
that proof
that validation
has now
vanished?
what do you do
now
that delusion has hardened
into
reality?

hold on tight, dear readers. this is just the first of several journal pages of the quick & twisty emotions found in this one when her hot turns cold & vice versa.