so as it turns out,
i’m not crazy–i’m an empath.
sometimes i’m still crazy.
but when i get super sad and then feel elated the next minute–
the thing is–
i often don’t feel my own emotions,
i feel other people’s emotions.
i always knew i was really really empathetic
but only in the past couple of years have i learned about being an empath.
so i’m an empath.
i feel things
and know things
that other people cannot sense.
i know when someone is lying.
i can see an aura better than i can notice the color of your eyes.
and it has come to my attention that being an empath–& not knowing how to protect yourself–is a dangerous & even a bad thing.
i don’t know how to protect me.
i lay open for everyone to just dump their emotions in.
and then i turn into a raging pond of dumped emotions.
so today i was reading a book about service dogs for families that have special needs children and i felt profoundly sad. and instead of just feeling sad, i examined why i felt sad…only to realize that the sadness was not my own, but the sadness of these families.
it finally clicked.
i was not feeling my own emotions.
i was feeling someone else’s!!
and just like that, the sadness evaporated.
how often am i doing that?
being angry with someone else’s anger?
being happy with someone else’s happiness?
being frustrated with someone else’s frustration?
when i was a child, i loved animals. all animals. i loved them. i collected them. i had over fifty pets as a kid–and even more imaginary ones.
but my dad was so angry.
and he put that anger on us kids
and on the animals.
and i felt myself absorb that anger.
i felt it grow inside me.
i recognized it when it came out–it was his anger, not mine.
but over the years i adopted it as my own.
i was the one being angry at the animals.
it stopped being his and became mine.
and i felt so horrible about it
i cringe to think that that is who i am.
but what if it isn’t?
if i now realize it is not my anger after all…can i send it on its way?
i can’t tell you how excited i am about this picture.
how excited i am that the whole INKtober experience got me not only drawing every day but also doing a form of art that really resonates with me.
the ink blot
scrying in ink
form of drawing i have been doing.
today my three spirit animal guides showed up in my picture! i put paint on these pages. then i try to keep them away from the minions while they dry. then i pick them up. look at them. turn them. look at them again. turn them.
until i see something.
so i really do not know what i am going to draw each day.
it is an adventure.
as i said before
a meditation of sorts.
so i am pagan–which basically means i am of a nature religion. and i identify with celtic paganism because my ancestors come from western europe where the celts used to run wild before the romans conquered them and introduced catholicism.
i am celtic/pagan. and i read tarot and use medicine cards and look for signs in the every day.
and in my art.
which i have come to feel is my magic
(along with cooking & gardening)
so that’s why i am in love with today’s drawing.
the dog, the bear, and the hawk.
they are my spirit guides.
their visit today in my picture is a comfort to me in a time of extreme doubt.
so it would be like if i were still catholic and found the virgin mary burned in my toast.
it’s like that.
(sorry for the trippy, new-agey blathering…i’m still punk rock.)
ps. more on the dork fest– i wanted to put symbols of the elements on the katana, so i googled “element symbols.” google offered a sub-topic of celtic element symbols and i clicked it and found symbols for the elements that consist of spirals! if you look at my art–i love spirals. i often try to incorporate spirals in my work. they actually calm me down. so! are my ancestors speaking to me through my art?
discuss it amongst yourselves.
so spilling ink and finding images in it is both an exercise and a meditation. it opens my mind up to pictures i might not have come up with. it is kind of like scrying, i think. maybe it is my magic.
i wonder if i will leave these pictures as is. stop here.
or will i take elements of the picture?
or the whole picture?
and recreate it in a less messy format?
i love doing my ink stain pictures. my ink blot art tests. i see the weirdest things. i found the rabbit first in this one, but the clock in his hands was added last. i knew he was carrying something…but how does he know he is late if the clock is just blinking twelve o’clock? the elements of this picture seem separate to me…but they work together as well. the lady of the lake–one of my favorite things i found in it…she doesn’t really work with the picture–but she is there. in the water. where she would be.
there it is.
so–who remembers bluejean & the moonfish?
i have had a part started page hanging on my wall forever.
i finished it!!
that was part of the reason i decided to switch blogs.
inktober is over. i am starting to accept that.
to fill the hole it left in my life,
i am challenging myself–to not necessarily finish a picture a day, but
to at least show my work, every day.
work on something every day.
and share with y’all every day.
this will be good for me.
and hopefully you will enjoy it as well!
this website that has never really settled is going to become my main website for my art and comics.
don’t worry, i will still blather on about my
saving the world
it will all be here…plus!
art & comics!