i am still working on journal pages of course of course. but i am also trying to get some small illustrations done for my upcoming collection of short stories due for publication later this year. tangled together is a long time coming collection of flash fiction & short stories. i will be so happy to finally see my stories in print.
also trying to cope with a world that i just want to burn to the ground…but apparently that is not the way things are done? not that i’m good at doing things the way they are supposed to do….
in lieu of matches–i made some patches. art saves the world once more!
there were like four more pages of confusion perfume…however, the wonderful tara caribou is planning to publish my comic with a couple other of my comics in a book due out later this year…. what?!? yes, it’s true. while there is no news on my short story collection, tangled together, which was supposed to come out in 2019…now, out of the blue, i have a different book coming out in my medium of choice: comics!!!! so fucking exciting. by the way, should there be a publisher who wants to tackle the short story collection, i think i can safely assume my other publisher has jumped ship.
anyhoo. the last four pages were a change of pace for confusion perfume, less levity…more dark & scribbly. a short story about 9-11-01 that i turned into a comic using berenice beaumont (my character in confusion perfume in case you are just tuning in.) and i decided not to post them to give y’all a little mystery. plus! tara has requested i write little ditties like i like to do, explaining/rationalizing/analyzing my work. so i am totally having a blast doing that. also…maybe brand new never seen before pages????
so what now? well, today, we have quixotic postcards i made years ago at a ‘zine fest when the printer did not have my order of postcards ready & i had to make some up on the fly.
tomorrow? (or the next day if tomorrow is too hectic) pages of my comic in progress: weener coop & by in progress, i mean, i really do plan on getting back to it one day because i think it is totally fucking awesome.
so…i’m no longer living on a bus! y’all–i managed to get off the bus!
me & the minions have a house in a quaint neighborhood of a quaint town in wisconsin. and! i claimed a room as a room of my own! except for the pet rat, the dog, and being also a space for books & puzzles…i have a room that is all mine for writing & drawing & just staring out the window! so that’s nice. but i have flunked out of therapy…not before reprising my list of ideals for a romantic relationship, however. next on my list of “what i want”…that guy who won’t make me feel like crap.
& then, also on the list of things i desire (after a roof & a man) is a job doing what i actually want to be doing. i am working outside the home for the first time in forever….but the honeymoon is over on the new job. now i just want to sit at home & draw…and write…and go for walks & on bike rides…garden a bit…travel…. sigh.
though i forgot about INKtober, as sarah of fresh hell pointed out to me, every day is kinda inktober for me. actually, ever since INKtober 2016, i have been covered in ink. it’s a bit scary how much i have drawn in these last three years. i should have a book…or something. but, no, i am not exactly rolling with the punches…. i feel like a complete failure as my patreon page whispers softly to me, “my god you suck….” & in other areas of life, mother–(crap…am i anything other than a mother???) i am also sucking suckiness. if you want to confirm this for me (my failure as artist, writer, & mother) feel free to check out my patreon page.
so there is my way past due update, dear reader…
ps. i do not have internet (but would accept it as a gift) so any online postings are sporadic at best
i’m staring out the window of a bus a bus parked forever more in the hills of western wisconsin clouds, forests, wildflowers, birds, & bugs (so many bugs) are right outside my window & all i feel is paralyzed trapped unable to move forward because renting requires income getting a loan requires income & i am on a bus with four kids my ex-husband trying to lure me back to him back to life in an apartment with him & each day i think a little more seriously about committing that crime about sacrificing myself to make sure my kids have a roof over their heads…. i just wish i could look at this amazing view & feel free & feel inspired & feel hopeful instead of feeling doomed but right now i have no idea how to be that person how to be anything but miserable & alone.
though i am not posting as much as i usually do as i am struggling with depression right now as well as the instability of being homeless–er, between homes, rather…. but i will try to get pen to paper & get some new posts up over there soon.
from the flatlands of illinos to the rolling hills of wisconsin squatting both literally & figuratively in the wild driftless region waiting for fate to open a door (or window) to a new home for me & the minons
i am still doing art. mostly doodles. and writing in my journal to keep myself sane as my whole world is turned upside down…in a good way…but still terrifying.
tomorrow i pack it all into a uhaul and head to wisconsin tomorrow i begin a new adventure amidst a new moon & solar eclipse & the anti-versary of a molestation that happened the very same time as my beloved dog becoming lost & eventually found dead leaving me with no one to comfort me these same group of days that my father’s birthday falls into this will be the first dead father birthday my emotions are a whirlpool a tornado hope & despair spinning fast as i run away again from my childhood home believing i will find an answer on the horizon.
i asked my kids if after i died of throat cancer from screaming at them if they would remember what i said. they answered “yes” …but only because they didn’t really listen to what i was saying i’m not sure how to feel… my throat hurts.
don’t ask how the packing is going…just…don’t ask….
these are images i did for a watercolor class some years back…a week of illustrations of how i felt as a mom. things haven’t changed too much.