i’ve fallen & i haven’t gotten up

two weeks ago i fell off of a step ladder & broke my knee
monday i fell
tuesday i got around to going to the er
wednesday i went to an orthopedic surgeon
thursday i had surgery
now 10 weeks of non-weight bearing activity
believe you me
i have written plenty of pages about it & all the resulting epiphanies
however
i do not have internet at my house & it is difficult
to get out of the house & to the internet
so!
if anyone wants to donate money for internet
i got the paypal button on those pages for buying/donating….
otherwise
good things come to those who wait….

quixotic updates

i am working on this new ink on canvas tentatively titled “foxy.” i really like working on canvas & now that i am down to my last free canvas, i am thinking of buying more for future creations.
that bunny keeps hopping into my art lately. i have even started a children’s book starring him.
fun fact. after i wrote the text for said children’s book, i went to my sun porch, looked out the window, and watched three bunnies eating dandelions in my backyard. i stood & watched for at least ten minutes. if you have never watched a bunny eat a dandelion, you are totally missing out.

in other news, i went through all my journals looking for “fodder” for books & stories. i have decided to focus on one project at a time instead of being easily distracted & starting new projects without finishing old ones. after the children’s book illustrations are done, i will focus on finishing the text & doing illustrations for my novel, a better life through sock puppets.
i am trying to give myself credit for what i have achieved. i let myself be proud of the fact that i found so many random ideas & sketches worth working with! including the above gem from 2016.

so i am not moping. i am rebuilding that fucking tower & giving myself credit for doing a good job with it.
as they say in my home state of wisconsin–forward!

fraud alert

seeing my books
on discount
hit me much harder
than i expected
i am already too fragile
of late
my exhibitionist
more exposed
than invisible me

i’m trying to fly instead of falling…but i just keep tripping over myself. what the what. i hate this. i guess i need to take a breath & not push me too hard…but i can’t let me slip backwards either.
in other news, i had to fire my handyman as i am sinking further & further into debt and guessing i have to figure out how to fix madness manor by myself?
so tired of doing things by myself….
and as getting by on my good looks is not panning out…i had to get a paying job, but at least it is working with plants. of course, now i have to worry that i am not actually qualified to work with plants….
there was a personality test with the job application. i was sure i blew the personality test. who the fuck would hire me?
but they did hire me.
why? i’m not sure i would hire me.
and after i post this, i am headed over to the viroqua public market to drop off more art because my drawer at home is overflowing. now my spot at the market will be overflowing…i only sold just one last month.
i googled how to promote myself….
fuck.
i peeked out…couldn’t find my shadow…and now i’m headed back into my hidey hole.

vision board updates…

so my first attempt at exploring romantic relationships ended abruptly
leaving me wildly optimistic
about my own ability to spot red flags
& re-enforce boundaries
after years of worrying that i would find myself
repeating patterns….
meanwhile, in the area of “finding my audience”
i have been selling more art than ever
& got a note with the latest commission from
main street station
in viroqua, wi
that a group of women discovered my inkings
loved them
& each bought one
dude
for me, someone terrible at promoting myself,
to be discovered by just five strangers
in phenomenal
and that’s not all…
beginning in march
i will be hanging a dozen framed inkings in a fabulous
little cafe
in downtown viroqua.

i went out and spend $15 on thrift store frames, got some “hammered” spray paint, and made what i saw in my head. i was so excited about how these turned out. i am very excited about hanging them for a show.

buy my art

i am currently working on more pieces for my etsy shop.
i am also half-assedly working on my novel & will be doing more pages of moses jones. these are two projects i am passionate about even though i wander away from them too frequently…i do wander back. i am not sure they appeal to others…but they do make me happy.
my journaling has once more ebbed…waned…but i will continue to keep my journal close. it might morph into more memoir writing? less of the vomited free verse & more of the spastic prose? i guess we will see. there are just three blank pages & one half-finished page left in my most recent journal, & it has been a few days since i have used it other than to make new pieces from old pages. i don’t want to give up my journal. i just might need to adjust my relationship with it as i seem to have entered a new phase of my ever-changing life.

to summarize, my posts here might be more sporadic, but i hope y’all will stay tuned.
xo.

our regularly scheduled program will continue…

i snuck away from madness manor to go to madeline island on lake superior this past week. i thought i forgot to pack my pens…but i did have them. not that camping & hiking & swimming & surviving the rain in a tent lends much time to writing & drawing….
i did learn that i do not ever want to go camping with my ex-husband ever ever ever again no matter how badly i feel for excluding him. no more.
it was a beautiful trip even though i was terribly homesick the entire time.

hopefully i will have new journal pages up soon!

quixotic starwhal

i am still working on journal pages of course of course.
but i am also trying to get some small illustrations done for my upcoming collection of short stories due for publication later this year. tangled together is a long time coming collection of flash fiction & short stories. i will be so happy to finally see my stories in print.

also trying to cope with a world that i just want to burn to the ground…but apparently that is not the way things are done? not that i’m good at doing things the way they are supposed to do….

in lieu of matches–i made some patches.
art saves the world once more!

confusion perfume…the book

there were like four more pages of confusion perfume…however, the wonderful tara caribou is planning to publish my comic with a couple other of my comics in a book due out later this year….
what?!?
yes, it’s true.
while there is no news on my short story collection, tangled together, which was supposed to come out in 2019…now, out of the blue, i have a different book coming out in my medium of choice: comics!!!!
so fucking exciting.
by the way, should there be a publisher who wants to tackle the short story collection, i think i can safely assume my other publisher has jumped ship.

anyhoo. the last four pages were a change of pace for confusion perfume, less levity…more dark & scribbly. a short story about 9-11-01 that i turned into a comic using berenice beaumont (my character in confusion perfume in case you are just tuning in.)
and i decided not to post them to give y’all a little mystery. plus! tara has requested i write little ditties like i like to do, explaining/rationalizing/analyzing my work. so i am totally having a blast doing that.
also…maybe brand new never seen before pages????

so what now?
well, today, we have quixotic postcards i made years ago at a ‘zine fest when the printer did not have my order of postcards ready & i had to make some up on the fly.

tomorrow?
(or the next day if tomorrow is too hectic)
pages of my comic in progress: weener coop
& by in progress, i mean, i really do plan on getting back to it one day because i think it is totally fucking awesome.

what’s the opposite of rolling with the punches?

so…i’m no longer living on a bus!
y’all–i managed to get off the bus!

me & the minions have a house in a quaint neighborhood of a quaint town in wisconsin.
and! i claimed a room as a room of my own! except for the pet rat, the dog, and being also a space for books & puzzles…i have a room that is all mine for writing & drawing & just staring out the window!
so that’s nice.
but i have flunked out of therapy…not before reprising my list of ideals for a romantic relationship, however.
next on my list of “what i want”…that guy who won’t make me feel like crap.

& then, also on the list of things i desire (after a roof & a man) is a job doing what i actually want to be doing.
i am working outside the home for the first time in forever….but the honeymoon is over on the new job.
now i just want to sit at home & draw…and write…and go for walks & on bike rides…garden a bit…travel….
sigh.

though i forgot about INKtober, as sarah of fresh hell pointed out to me, every day is kinda inktober for me. actually, ever since INKtober 2016, i have been covered in ink.
it’s a bit scary how much i have drawn in these last three years.
i should have a book…or something.
but, no, i am not exactly rolling with the punches….
i feel like a complete failure as my patreon page whispers softly to me, “my god you suck….”
& in other areas of life, mother–(crap…am i anything other than a mother???) i am also sucking suckiness.
if you want to confirm this for me (my failure as artist, writer, & mother) feel free to check out my patreon page.

so there is my way past due update, dear reader…

ps. i do not have internet (but would accept it as a gift) so any online postings are sporadic at best

this is my life

i was squatting in a stream this morning to wash the mud out of misha’s clothes when i thought
“this is my life”

how did i get here?
which twists & turns & choices made
led me to this place

i am both grateful for a place to be
to figure out my next step
& anxious
about where that next step will take me.

to help support my journey in exchange for art & writings by me…check out my patreon page.

today on my patron page i share two art journal pages & my recent brush with misanthropy & theories with how isolation feeds a dark part of one’s soul.

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