the beat goes on

this blogger found me & i felt like i should share their site–if for no other reason, for the tagline/intentions: COMFORTING THE DISTURBED AND DISTURBING THE COMFORTABLE
(i’m totally on board with that)
but seeing this first post, i feel confident there are more good reasons to follow.

paradoxtabernacle

watching the days roll past…..
an endless falling apart
and coming together of
“I love you baby”s’
and
“Oh shit, not this again”s’.

Funny, I suppose…
….either funny, or
infinitely fucked,
or both…..
probably both….
all I know is,
I am bleeding…
and sometimes
grateful for the opportunity.

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The Turning: A Masterpiece by the Great Sarah Silvey

if you have not followed sarah yet nor bought her wonderful book, it would behoove you to do so!
she is so funny & awesome & someone you would want for your best friend…
i am in the process of reading THE TURNING & totally neglecting my kids to do so–that’s how good it is!!
(i love sarah)

Fresh Hell

Hey kids! Shameless promo here: my book doesn’t suck.

Dark fantasy. It’s got monsters, blood n guts, good friends, terrible enemies, swordfights, adventure, psychic powers. You know you’re curious. You like my writing, right? So why wouldn’t you like the book? It’s lots of fun, with just the right amount of fucked-up. I’ve had a smattering of reviews so far, all positive.

On Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Turning-Sarah-Silvey-ebook/dp/B01CKK36YY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1533050208&sr=8-1&keywords=the+turning+sarah+d+silvey

On Smashwords:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/599602

On Itunes… here? Not sure because I have a PC, but you can at least use this as a starting point:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-turning/id1068588451?mt=11

On Barnes and Noble:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-turning-sarah-silvey/1123130931?ean=2940152518016

I am insanely grateful to anyone who buys it. If you leave a review (preferably a kind one) I will have big puppy eyes for you. And if you leave an unkind review, I will go walleyed and wander off a cliff. Just kidding. I’m already walleyed just from bringing attention to myself. < _…

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the turkey stands alone

yesterday
all of my livestock went to live
with a very nice red-haired farmer
who knows what the fuck he is doing
& isn’t just winging it
like some kind of off-kilter homesteading maniac…
i think i learned
many many things
from my livestock experiment 
(not to be confused with my motherhood experiment)
although some of what i learned
is very similar to my motherhood
experiment…
yesterday
my yard emptied out
no more ducks…chickens…goats…or sheep
just the turkey stands alone
and i feel 
a lot
sad
but also
a little
relieved.

i’m telling the minions…it’s a new chapter…a new episode of our lives. change is not necessarily a bad thing. change can be good. really really good. 
but it’s still sad.

meanwhile, i have gotten a little done over on my patreon page.

and a birthday card & a patron card

tall dark & handsome

he came to me in a dream
ready to end
my misery
with talons
like razors
a creature from–
well…
nightmares
a feathered man
tall dark & handsome
my sure
demise
but to my credit
i fought
for my
wretched
life
even resorting to
my
feminine
wiles.

a little something different.
maybe too much halloween candy, but i had a vivid dream last night about a big blackbird-man who came to finish me off. except he was also sexy. i think i have a pretty conflicted view of men.
speaking of….
so who remembers clan of the cave bear? my brain often references the idea in it that ayla is guarded by her spirit animal, the cave bear who scarred her. she is thereby deemed to have too strong of an energy for most men to mate with her and make a child with her.
i think of the grizzly bear as one of my main spirit guides. i feel her energy in me & feel i am protected by her.
i have found that my strength makes dating tricky. which i think is weird…but it seems to be true.
until (at least) this point in my life i have chosen physically small men. feminine men. men who do not seem threatening to me…. yes, i chose them. if i wait to be chosen, it is a long wait. however, most of the men i choose then turn me upside down–& not in a good way. most of them seem threatened by me. most of them try to dominate & degrade me.
so i’m thinking maybe i should be looking for a romantic interest that has–at least–the grizzly bear spirit i have?
i dunno.
just brainstorming here. it’s not like i have suitors lining up at my door to choose from.

 

heavy heart

one of those lives
where it feels like
you can’t do anything right
grand ideas
living by example
trying to change the world
but your bees die
your garden grows
away from you
and no one can find
the duck eggs
you’re ready to throw in the trowel
on this homesteading gig
go back to town
have neighbors who don’t poison
the fields around you
kids for your kids
to play with
long walks to parks & libraries.
sure you have to give up
big clear skies of endless stars
& listening to the coyotes & bullfrogs
sing at night…
bury away a couple dreams…
but
you’ll dig up new ones.

i am sucking hard at homesteading right now. and this will be the third time i have used the joke “throw in the trowel” without one single chuckle.

moses jones episode 3 page 6

here is another page. i am having fun with creating moses jones pages again. judging by audience participation (number of likes & comments) mojo is not nearly as popular as my other creations, but i love her–so i will keep writing her.
plus,
this comic is another way for me to work out my feelings as a mother, as an ex-wife, and as someone who used to live in a dysfunctional intentional community.
it’s kind of like my self-portrait art journal…but a bit more involved.

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