from my art journal

i go to see a doctor who is trained in the neurosciences and does a mix of chiropractic work & energy work. when i see him i often find an issue of mine to work on. this time it was when he almost seemed embarrassed to tell me i had a spot in me claiming that i am overwhelmed. he said it was arbitrary to everything he knew about me. then he found a spot telling him that i feel the need to do everything myself. he seemed to feel the spots conflicted. i told him, “you just described me. overwhelmed & trying to do it all myself.”
then i started thinking about it. am i overwhelmed? or is that just a story i tell myself? a handicap i give myself in this game called life? a backdoor to my problems?
these are the pages i wrote about it.

balance doodle

maybe i should not go anywhere without my journal & pens. at least my energy worker/chiropractor had a set of magic markers for me to use when epiphany struck.

here’s the first page:

garden madonna

every time i go to get myself adjusted at the local energy worker/chiropractor, i have little epiphanies & find little things for me to work on inside myself.
this time it was an urge to see if my inner mother was around now that my birth mother has died. i have never been able to locate an inner mother nor to figure out how to nurture myself.
i am hoping that now i will be able to do that.
in a somewhat related note, i realized today, that all of my suicidal & self-destructive thinking stopped the day my mother died–even though i did not know she was dead.
huh….

my mother

almost one year exactly
after the death of my father
i found out
about the death of my mother
though she had been dead
almost
two months…
now i am
an overgrown
orphan.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑