my family lost a friend today. he was the only livestock we did not sell when we left our illinois homestead. a turkey named hamlet. he survived three thanksgivings & died roaming free in the hills of wisconsin within warbling distance of his wild cousins. he was a good turkey. he will be missed.
(on a more personal note, hamlet was the only male in recent history to find me sexy…but that is a story for another day)
what am i doing with myself since i quit my job, i’m sure you are wondering. well…other than trying to recover from clogged sinuses that are surely indicative of a clogged soul… i have opened a free store! cool, right? very abbie hoffman of me….
this is my journaling about the process in case anyone is curious or wants to try this at home.
here in viroqua, wisconsin, there is a building that is a common space, an art space. it is aptly called “the commons,” and is steered by some good hometown anarchists. i fell in love with this space when i first visited viroqua and was eager to get involved with it’s current evolution. so! i asked the board if i could start a “free store” in one of the rooms. i was met with some pretty awesome enthusiasm. the enthusiasm did not stop with attaining the room. as soon as i started advertising for donations, i was met with overwhelming generousity.
today is the first day the free store is open to the public. i am hopeful, but i am also keeping an eye out for snags.
i will try to keep y’all updated on my latest quixotic adventure…xxoo.
i just realized this is totally a 180 from of my “nothing for free” post…but, you know, i did fire that therapist for being frivolous with my mental health…plus, like many men i know, he really didn’t listen to what i was saying.
so…i’m no longer living on a bus! y’all–i managed to get off the bus!
me & the minions have a house in a quaint neighborhood of a quaint town in wisconsin. and! i claimed a room as a room of my own! except for the pet rat, the dog, and being also a space for books & puzzles…i have a room that is all mine for writing & drawing & just staring out the window! so that’s nice. but i have flunked out of therapy…not before reprising my list of ideals for a romantic relationship, however. next on my list of “what i want”…that guy who won’t make me feel like crap.
& then, also on the list of things i desire (after a roof & a man) is a job doing what i actually want to be doing. i am working outside the home for the first time in forever….but the honeymoon is over on the new job. now i just want to sit at home & draw…and write…and go for walks & on bike rides…garden a bit…travel…. sigh.
though i forgot about INKtober, as sarah of fresh hell pointed out to me, every day is kinda inktober for me. actually, ever since INKtober 2016, i have been covered in ink. it’s a bit scary how much i have drawn in these last three years. i should have a book…or something. but, no, i am not exactly rolling with the punches…. i feel like a complete failure as my patreon page whispers softly to me, “my god you suck….” & in other areas of life, mother–(crap…am i anything other than a mother???) i am also sucking suckiness. if you want to confirm this for me (my failure as artist, writer, & mother) feel free to check out my patreon page.
so there is my way past due update, dear reader…
ps. i do not have internet (but would accept it as a gift) so any online postings are sporadic at best
my therapist is helping me a lot with my mothering struggles. he seems to be on my side. which is nice for a change. he says it’s okay that i lose my mind every once in awhile. he tells me i’m only human, & i’ve been trying to dig myself out of this ditch for a long time.
it’s weird that he is so nice to me. i’m not used to being validated.
meanwhile, i keep my eyes open for the julie andrews to my christopher plummer….
motherhood have i ever felt more defeated? more hopeless? helpless…. i am never going to win i wail to the moon a new moon somewhere lost in the clouds & sun like me lost trying to renew… i’m never going to win i sigh as if this is a game motherhood.
i have been busy. writing. arting. surviving. i keep on drawing because i do not want to drown in my own emotions.
i wrote this journal page a few days ago today there is no fight left in me (but there probably is) just feeling disillusioned with one half of the population– you know who you are you motherfuckers– i will always be alone if y’all continue to be assholes.
i am now gainfully employed…ish working just part time so the minions & my art stay nurtured. but my art is not as insistent as my minions until i find myself going a little bit mad for neglecting it.
i am enjoying playing with my own style as well as accepting that it is what it is… i look forward to doing some finished pieces–but that might have to wait until i am a bit more finished myself…at least as far as housing goes.