sad aloneness

sadness
aloneness
& i wonder how many times
in how many ways
i can say
the same thing
& not be heard?
the comfort
of my invisibility
suffocates me
i want out
i. want. out.
can you hear
me?
please
get me out
of
my own head
before
i decide
i never
want to leave.

i think maybe this project has reached a conclusion…or maybe it will go on forever.
maybe i will go on forever
comforting myself with my own suffocating sadness

or maybe i will start an illustrated memoir.
i should really start an illustrated memoir.

okay.
so…i need an agent & a cheerleader.
someone who can tolerate large doses of bitter animosity & self-pity.
also, must enjoy loud children.

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tender hearted

my pain
is my own
just because
i show it to you
does not
make it yours
i love my
tender
fucked up
heart
&
i’m not good
at sharing

i’m pissed off at everything lately. everything.
whether it is my parent’s impending visit. the anniversary of my brother’s death. dealing with the passive aggressive assholery of my ex-husband. the fact that the minions cannot go a full two minutes without screaming and jumping on someone. or that the whole world is full of hateful hurtful people yet i remain…alone…alone with my hate & hurt.
all these things.
none of these things.
maybe i’m just an irritable asshole.

my self-portrait here seems to be a re-occurring theme. of course, van gogh did himself over & over & over…add a bowler, now with a pipe…
i like posing with my demons.
my lovely loving demons.

suicide girl

this is a comic i did back when i used to do a comic about myself.
i was thinking about it today while dealing with the minions.
while an effective tool…i am guessing my suicide girl routine would leave some damage on said minions.

 

on a weird & funny note–the boyfriend figure i made up to represent several different boyfriends–looks a lot like dusty…whom i had not met at this point in my life.

my journey

my life is very much a journey
sometimes
it is a river current
dragging me along
sometimes
it is a careful path
i have forged
sometimes…
not too often…
it is someone else’s path
i follow
sometimes
i love my journey
& am so so excited about it
sometimes
i want to turn around
& it takes all my strength to continue
…i doubt i will reach the end
in this
lifetime
but i pick up my walking stick
& journey on.