is this the end?

i have been through a lot on this blog. granted, most of it has now been deleted. some of it is available in book form….
i have grown a lot with the help of this blog.
enormously.
a friend asked me the other day what part of myself i hated…& i could not think of a single thing i hate about myself.
i have discovered so much. i have had tea & made peace with my demons.
i have buried my parents…literally & figuratively.
i have finally broken the bond that held me in an abusive relationship with the father of my children.
and i got to the point where i felt i no longer had to obsessively share my pain….

today i wonder, am i still quixotic? yes. i think so.
am i still a mama?
well, yes, technically. though i am questioning my identity as one because i feel i am so much more (more more more!) than just a mama….

do i still identify as “quixotic mama”?
less & less each day.

i am reading rage becomes her by soraya chemaly (which is an incredible book that should be read by everyone! every one!)
and as it talked about publishing, etc, as a woman & how the deck is still stacked against us despite it all…i wondered, should i go more gender neutral? would that help me find an agent? does it explain my 32 rejections so far?
my name is already gender neutral…. so i thought i would try an experiment.
i set up a website, instagram, & an email as “emje mccarty” rather than as “quixotic mama”
and once i did
i started feeling even less like a quixotic mama.

so…
i don’t know if this is the end. or just a break…or if i should just change the title of the blog?
let me think some more on it.
xo

ps. feel free to check out the emje mccarty website…i’m not sure what’s going to happen over there…. i will try to keep y’all updated.
thanks for all the love & support over the years!

pss. the image above is one of my inkings turned into an altar by paradoxtabernacle.