two-fer

“makeover”

who am i
if i am not ugly?
who am i
if i am not
self-loathing?
how do i imagine
myself
as anything other
than a
monster?
i have told myself this
story
for so
so long
how do i write a new
ending?

“in the cards”

the cards tell me to
let go
(let go let go let go)
of something
no longer
true
the cards tell me
i cannot see
my true potential
through
warped lenses
the cards
however
do not
tell me how to let go
they do not tell me
how to see myself
through a lens
not
contorted
by self-loathing.

my tarot cards are always telling me to let go of something & i’m all, “i have let go of everything….” except, i realized, my self-loathing & stubborn belief that everyone looks at me and sees some hideous monster. that everyone can tell i don’t belong. that i am ugly to the core.
can i let go of a belief i have held close for most of my life?

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4 thoughts on “two-fer

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  1. “Letting go” really means to let go of ATTACHMENT to any particular idea or thought or anything, really, because this life is so temporal. Thought come and go from beyond us and our big job is not to get attached to one particular thing or another because whatever it may be, it is going to change. The paradox of time and space. I actually think you do a pretty good job in that regard; i mean, one day you say their is ugliness in your gut, the next day you say your gut is beautiful; that is pretty unattached to any particular viewpoint. Here is a saying attributed to Hui Neng in 600 A.D.

    “Deluded people are no different from awakened ones (Buddhas), delusion is no different from awakening. With one confused thought, you are deluded; with your next thought you see the truth, that’s awakening. With one thought you cling to something, that’s delusion; with the next thought you leave it behind, that’s awakening.
    You’re better than alright, friend. You are on to something truthful and good. The way it IS. Reality.

    Liked by 1 person

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