all of me

to be a successful mother
i must also be
a successful
to be a successful writer
i must also be
a successful
to be a success
as an artist
i must be a success
as a lover
as a friend
as a human
there are no halfsies
no half-assed-ing it
i must be whole
to be complete
i must be complete
to be a success
i can’t just be part of myself
i must be all of me.

another home improvement project. i can’t just work on & improve part of me, it is all intertwined. to fix/succeed as only one aspect of my whole is not succeeding at all.
if that makes sense.
i don’t mean success in a financial manner. i mean success as my being all i can be. true.
sometimes i find myself wondering which i would choose in a sophie’s choice–my career as an artist & writer or a romantic relationship.
like if i choose one over the other i am somehow choosing wrong. it always feels like the wrong choice…i think because they are both important to me & both a part of who i am.
i have to choose both…in addition to my choice to be a mother. to be part of a community. to be a friend. to be a good person. all of it is braided together inside of me & if i try to unravel it
i unravel….

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