hell hath no fury…

it’s my frankenstein’s monster complex
you see
it makes me turn
monstrous
when my love
& devotion
are met with
disdain & indifference
if they will not
love me
they will
fear me
at the flick
of some toggle switch
buried deep
in my mind
i go from
cute & cuddly
to writing white hot
fangs
& claws.

one of those dysfunctional defenses that gets you through the abuse…but then wreaks havoc on your efforts to heal & change….
i turn on & off like a light switch.
he loves me…he loves me not
i am lovable…i am a creature of your nightmares
i am struggling with this right now. i want to heal this relationship with this person who meant so much to me…and he is not responding. so then, historically, i become aggressive and nasty. i have the urge to do so. i have it so bad.
but my inner voices (via tarot card readings) urge me to calm those aggressions and trust in a better world. one where i do not become an avenging angel wielding a sword of fire….
so maybe i should see what that looks like?

whether the boy ever talks to me again or not–it would behoove me to NOT have this kneejerk reaction to any perceived rejection.
right?

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