behind blue eyes II

who made this monster?
i can’t blame him
he did throw fuel
on the fire
but if there wasn’t already
a spark….
i can’t blame them
yes
they poke me
with sharp sticks
but they are simply
trying
to make s’mores….
the ones who loved me
first
the ones who molded me
out of clay
they shaped me into this
monster
& now i can only hope
that my destiny
is not to make
more monsters….

my ex likes to point out that i was already damaged when he met me. of course, he fails to realize that he could have helped me heal–he didn’t have to break me further.
& though my kids are matricidal maniacs…i don’t think it is intentional. i don’t know what evolutionary purpose it serves to drive one’s mother crazy…but i don’t think they do it on purpose.
i feel like it is my job to teach them a better way.
i feel like i am failing at my job.
yes, my parents made me into the raging bitch i can be at times with their layers of emotional abuse, physical abuse, and neglect….
but again, it is my job to heal.
to be better
if not for me, for my children
(but totally for me, too)

2 thoughts on “behind blue eyes II

Add yours

  1. Sometimes, I’m amazed that our species has gotten as far as we have, what with the challenges of our makeshift ways of begetting and raising each succeeding generation, and the healing being like flying a plane while building it.

    Liked by 1 person

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