me & bobby mcgee

how did i ever
let you go
all those years back
i look at you
& wonder
at the fucking audacity
of twenty-something me
who threw you away
as easy
as a bag of chips
i’d lost my taste for
do you know how
i am
at the me
that wasted
my chance with you?

i changed this up from the original because i am not really angry with twenty-something me. i know i was acting out of a sense of self-preservation with almost no foresight. i thought i knew what i was doing. but i was a fucked up kid & really didn’t know.
i don’t blame me
i don’t blame him
it just is what it is. a sad story.
our song was “me & bobby mcgee” which is a really stupid song to have. self-fulfilling prophecy anyone? except i would not ever trade all of my tomorrows for one of my yesterdays.

& in truth, the reason he won’t talk to me today, is something done by forty-something me. i don’t remember exactly what i said or did to turn him away, but we were kind of friends before that. i was in a very bad place at the time. again, i don’t hate me for it, but i wish i could have had some foresight…could have realized that my dumpster fire was mine to deal with & not lashed out at others…oh well.
maybe fifty-something me will get it right.

4 thoughts on “me & bobby mcgee

Add yours

  1. Is it a coincidence that my SONG OF THE DAY post and your title match today? The song is such a classic blues, and the part that always has spoken to me is that wishing the ex well at the end. It makes quite a set of bookends with Tangled Up In Blue.

    Liked by 1 person

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