note to self

i wanted to try finger painting with my inks.

crap. yesterday i drew tarot cards (again) & got “the tower” as my future card for the third time in a little over a month. i feel like i am supposed to be learning something but it turns into a negative feedback loop as i feel defeated every time i get a sign from the universe to stop being a fuck up…and then it’s all i can do to not be a fuck up.
am i lying to myself? am i building a house of cards that is just going to fall down? do i need to scrap everything & start over?
these are the questions prancing through my brain at 2am….

plus ever since i was rejected by an employer, i am convinced that everyone hates me. why not the universe as well?

so my finger painting was not nearly as inspirational as i had hoped it would be. now i just want to curl up in a ball & cry until i can’t cry anymore.

12 thoughts on “note to self

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  1. No hating you here – a fondness, actually

    I wonder if you’d get better oracles from the I Ching. But I just looked at two interpretations of one hexagram from two sources and they were barely even similar, so IDK. (I haven’t even looked at it for ages)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I don’t hate you; even in the slightest!
    You are appreciated- thank you for being born.
    Your path will always look like you felt- in another time, when you were still you.
    Have some of my strength….but still be you!
    Have some life.
    It is yours.

    ~Friend Fist

    Liked by 1 person

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