maybe

did i embrace
the masculine in me
because
i could not trust
that the feminine
had any worth
or
if valued
valued for all
the wrong
reasons
was i safer
in my masculine
an identity
that would not
betray me?

random thought on nature vs. nurture, i guess.
i accept that i have a very strong masculine side for a woman. i always have for as long as i can remember. but was i born this way…or did i default to this setting due to the dangers of being a girl? i was born into a catholic farming family where “you only need one girl” but out of six, there were four girls born to my parents.
the catholic church was quick to tell me i didn’t matter
the matriarchs of my family quickly echoed the message
and a patriarchal society never lets a girl forget how disposable she is….
so
fuck me
did my sensitive nature embrace my masculine after a quick survey of my abusive surroundings in order to survive being a second-class citizen? or was my masculine nature something as innate as my “man hands” and stout build?
hmmmm….

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