i wonder why

i wonder why
i so easily
put others’
needs
others’ feelings
ahead of my own
leaving myself
in my sad
cocoon
of resentment.

another dusty inspired journal page. since he has been fired from his job and is waiting for the universe to drop another one in his lap, he has been messing big time with the kid schedule and spending way way way too much time at my house. it has me all out of whack.
and angsty.
i decided to stand up and say something, and he conceded to me saying, “you get your way.”
that was after two days of my saying something as nicely as i could before finally getting morose. after almost 20 years, i still don’t know how to talk to him. every approach at having a mature conversation ends with my being punished.
i just want things to go back to the way they were–where i only saw him twice a month–briefly–to drop off/pick up kids.
my life is so much easier when dusty & i are not “friends.”

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