sparrow

just like my mother instilled in me a fear of bird lice and tetanus, my dad taught me to hate sparrows. common & pests. sparrows. my dad was an avid birder, putting out bird feeders & bird houses. planting bushes & trees just for the birds. even putting a bubbler in our pond to keep it from freezing so the water fowl could be happy (so much for ice skating…)
a million years later i find myself chasing the sparrows away from my bird feeder, hating myself for it. but longing for the chickadees & finches. the jays & cardinals. wanting to feel special…not…common.
which is funny in its own way because when i read that some people are orchids & some are dandelions and realized that i am a tender, easily damaged orchid…that i am unable to grow in the crack in the sidewalk…i was devastated. i want to be a dandelion…but maybe just for the wishes?
i do not want to be a potted plant in a green house no matter how pretty. no matter how popular. i want to be a wild flower. a song bird. i do not want to be something pampered & kept safe.
i want to be free.
a magical thing.
something glimpsed causing you to gasp & feel a tug at your soul.

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