one month at madness manor

i was told
just the other day
that i need to back up
rewind the movie in my head
& replay it
with a new ending
now i have the angry mob
walk backwards down my street
put their torches out
and use the fire
to back cookies
which they bring me in baskets
with bottles of good whiskey
and they give me hugs
tell me what a good neighbor
i am
what a wonderful addition
to their community.

the other day i was driving home on the wind-y backroad i like to take, and i kept seeing rabbits. being witchy, i went home to check the symbolism of rabbits. rabbit, i read, calls his fear to him. he is so scared, he calls his fear right to him.
i feel like i am totally doing that.
terrified of being along. terrified of fucking up. terrified of everyone hating me.
i am so loud with these fears, that i am making them true.

so other than playing the movie backwards…what can i do?
(playing the movie backwards is helping–calming some of my anxiety)

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