seriously

it’s really difficult
for me
when people take me
seriously
because
i guess
then i have to
take myself
seriously?
it’s hard
to goof off
when people
are counting on
you.

this is a big problem for me. i don’t take myself seriously…then when someone else does, i am thrown for a loop. i start wondering…should i be taking myself more seriously? why don’t i take myself seriously?
i guess as a kid
i learned it was easier to laugh–to make a joke–then to feel the feelings that hurt.
taking myself seriously requires my getting past the painful part first…& i’m not always prepared to do that. it’s just easier to laugh & dismiss myself as a joke….
(even though that also hurts)

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