have a fuck

do you ever wonder
what it’s like to be
lovable
to feel
desired
do you ever wonder
if someone will maybe
someday
look at you
like that
or are you trapped
forever
some bitch
who just
doesn’t
give a fuck
anyway.

i watched brief interviews with hideous men, and it left me very conflicted. i am a lifelong feminist even though i didn’t even know what a feminist was until i was twenty-two. i have had a history of disastrous relationships and am admittedly a very dominant female.
i wonder. should women be soft & vulnerable so men can feel important? and then i’m all like, fuck that…. but part of me kinda yearns for a protector & bread winner. & then i get mad at myself…& then i say, but why not? why can’t i be a romantic & a bad ass?
and, of course, still be a feminist… i mean, anyone can be a feminist if you believe women are just as important as men. no matter if you are a stay-at-home or a conquer-the-world (or both in my case…ha!)
i don’t know.
just wondering stuff. out loud. here.

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