poop!

transformation is not a beautiful unfolding
it is not a gentle opening
transformation is violent & ugly & overwhelming
i feel like i am going to explode
am i going to explode?
i want to scream & bit & thrash & kick it all down.
i want to eat the world & make it my poop.

yup. that about sums it up. i am going through so much right now. so much. my brain is a bee hive that has been knocked over by a sleuth of bears. i am trying to survive being knocked over as well as trying to scare away those bears. and save my honey. rebuild my hive. protect my queen. so much to do just to survive the right now!
yup, that is the metaphor i am going with.