i’m a fucking carousel
of emotion
watch me spin
…rather slowly at times
& to creepy music
of course
angry now
depressed now
hopeless & self-destructive
calm & grounded
elated now
full of love
turn a little more
here comes your abandonment issues!
we are back around to the anger
…what makes the carousel turn
where is the plug?
is it safe to stop it
like a roulette wheel
will it stop on double 0
& everyone

another take on my spinning which is really clear if you sit & read through my journal pages all at once. i looked through about two years worth & got pretty dizzy.


3 thoughts on “carousel

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  1. hmmmm….this post reminds me of a Don McLean song named “Dreidel”, although his lyrics perhaps portray a darker reality than what is your experience?

    DREIDEL (partial lyrics)
    I feel like a spinning top or a dreidel
    The spinning don’t stop when you leave the cradle
    You just slow down
    Round and around the world you go
    Spinning through the lives of the people you know
    We all slow down

    How you gonna keep on turnin’ from day to day?
    How you gonna keep from turnin’ your life away?

    And I feel like I’m dippin’ and divin’
    My sky shoes are spiked with lead heels
    I’m lost in this star car I’m drivin’
    But my air sole keeps pushin’ big wheels

    My world is a constant confusion
    My mind is prepared to attack
    My past, a persuasive illusion
    I’m watchin’ the future it’s black

    What do you know? You know just what you perceive
    What can you show? Nothing of what you believe
    And as you grow, each thread of life that you weave
    Will spin around your deeds and dictate your needs
    As you sell your soul and you sow your seeds
    And you wound yourself and your loved one bleeds
    And your habits grow, and your conscience feeds
    On all that you thought you should be
    I never thought this could happen to me

    Liked by 1 person

      1. yea, right. The idea of the patriarchal linear time zero-sum game does not work anymore…never did really. These increasing circles you mention speak of circular time, an infinite sum game of life that increases connection and no one loses.

        Liked by 1 person

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