my stigmata is showing

boxcutter to the jugular
i joke
it’s a good name
for a punk rock band
but
inside
i find comfort
in the thought
boxcutter
to the jugular
what the fuck
is wrong
with me
that i can erupt
into this
pus-filled mountain
of pain?

i tried to draw a peaceful illustration to balance this one out, but she ended up developing stigmata.
so, you all have figured out by now, i spend a fuck load lot of time thinking about things. especially things about myself.
here is my thought in response to this post…people think anger is a bad thing…they think suicidal thoughts are dangerous…they frown at emotions, etc.
but what if these things are actually normal & to some extent healthy? violent action & follow through on suicidal or homicidal thoughts are bad–yes. however, what if you use your anger to resolve internal & external issues? what if you acknowledge those violent thoughts & then just let them go?
i know that as soon as i wrote this post, i started to feel better.
tomorrow’s post will address some thoughts on emotion. as i was trying to think of a title for it, i realized i could not think of a reference to emotions that was positive.
why are we so negative about emotions?
why do we try so hard to control them–in ourselves & in others?

4 thoughts on “my stigmata is showing

Add yours

  1. I think Carl Jung talks a lot about the concept of “the shadow”, which (if I understand) is given form and power within a person when the person fails to acknowledge all parts of their natural selves – the bad suff included.

    I also often struggle with the question of whether I’m a good or bad person, for simply having good or bad thoughts. I think we have the “full spectrum” experience here, from suffering, selfishness, to bliss, and love, and to want to own only the (subjectively) “good” parts of ourselves is probably a dangerous kind of denial.

    You’ seem to use art and written expression for good purpose; how many people find your work and come away realizing they are not alone in these kinds of feelings? Your stuff always has an honesty, hope, and often humour in it.

    Liked by 2 people

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