queen of avoidance

as i work to let go
to soften
to open
to escape my cocoon
i find myself
remembering
how
so many times i would choose
a relationship
any relationship
with any partner
who required all of my focus
so i wouldn’t have to focus
on me
&
i wonder now
if i also use my motherhood
as a crutch
&
a get out of jail free card
pay no attention
to the man
behind the
curtain
i have
bigger
fish
to fry….

again getting loosey goosey with my metaphors…. i hope i was able to express what i was trying to express here.
basically, to avoid working on me, i find broken people to focus on…or completely handicap myself with motherhood so i can pretend i have no energy left to look at me….