i feel like
i have kept myself alive
for far longer
than has served
any
purpose
done things
that never needed
were never meant
to be
done
&
now
cannot be undone
as i stubbornly plow forward
with this life
like a person
in a strong wind
holding tight
with all
their
might
so as not to be
blown
away.
ah more motherhood regrets as i feel like a complete shit of a mom. yay.
i am feeling better now.
it all seemed to accumulate on poppy’s birthday…all my festering feelings of not being able to hack it. & then getting physically sick despite my working so hard on my immune system–making it clear to me that i really really need to address my stress overload.
i wonder sometimes, if it weren’t for the whole/organic foods, art journaling, & yoga…would i just be dead from the stress.
Quixotic Mama 
I often feel the same way, my friend. *sigh*
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A friend of mine believes we all come here (this life) voluntarily from somewhere where it is considered to be an extreme sport of sorts to even make the attempt. I think Earthlings are by definition kick-ass super heroes for even trying it. It’s nuts here. We’re the crazy ones bungie-jumping through 3D space and back again, and somewhere there is a crowd of others cheering us on. I wonder what their popcorn looks like. I wonder if artificial butter taste is a thing there.
Sometimes when things get hard, I like to imagine I’m one mote in a cloud of several billion Souls of Unusual Spirit, doing this thing on some dare, because we have what it takes to survive the ride. From that perspective, I can feel kind of grand instead of always small.
I hope your year picks up. The young Humans do get both larger and often (surprisingly!) more adult even, sometimes. Thank you as always for your art and honesty.
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thank you! that’s a good way to think about it. i have experienced similar epiphanies. ❤
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