vulnerable

like a fucking
deer
in the meadow
a bunny
in your garden
on high
alert
exposed
vulnerable
a clear shot
to my already bleeding
heart
the world
scares
the fuck
out of me
right now
being alone
in a world
gone mad
feeling
alone
in a world
gone mad.

my anxiety is through the roof, y’all. like crazy cramping nausea. i don’t think i have felt this anxious since my freshman year of high school when i was a budding freak from an abusive household in a conservative small town. is it the demise of dusty & me? is it the state of the world’s high alert? is it fucking biden for president?
probably all of that & more.
but you know what anxiety is for–it’s to let you know that something is wrong. terribly terribly wrong.
so i’m guessing it won’t be leaving me soon.

i read my tarot last night to see if i could get a leg up on what’s going on with me & was told by my cards that i am restricting myself. creating my own little prison.
near future: illumination…so that’s gotta be good….
but now i am meditating on: how do i escape a prison of me? how do i start believing in myself?
& i figure–i already have all the anxiety–may as well go ahead & push my limits…rock the boat…burn the motherfucker down….

stay tuned.

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