mothra’s day massacre

here’s a funny story
some years back
i noticed my ex
burying something
in the dumpster
knowing he never took out the trash
my curiosity was piqued
so i went
dumpster diving
for mother’s day…
turned out
his stalker girlfriend
had left a mother’s day bouquet
of tulips
on our doorstep for me
unlike all the weird little notes
& gifts she left for him,
he saw fit to throw the tulips
in the trash…
that might be
the only time
i got flowers for mother’s day….

okay…not funny “haha”…more like funny in a really really painful way.
mother’s day & i have a terrible track record.
with a husband who said on the first mother’s day after my giving birth to his son, “why would i get her anything; she’s not my mother?”
with a mother who didn’t seem to know the first thing about mothering…but who was always happy to complain, criticize, & be cruel….
with my own conflicted feelings on being a mom….
it’s a fucked up day for me.
yet…i caught myself buying a necklace for myself…i think it was supposed to be a surprise, for mother’s day. so maybe i am starting to heal?
maybe.
a celtic trinity knot necklace. a protection symbol. with green amber ( my favorite.)
it’s nice to know that i remembered to get me something nice for mother’s day.

the image is a card i sent to my little sister last year for mother’s day…it was the closest i could get to saying “happy mother’s day.”

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6 thoughts on “mothra’s day massacre

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  1. Holidays can be so loaded ~ expectations, disappointments, major heartbreak! Emje, I don’t know you, but I bet you’re a great mom (even if that raises conflicting emotion inside), and I hope you continue treating yourself here and there if for no other reason than because you’re a person who deserves to be treated well ~ not on occasion, but consistently by you and by others. Also, teach your children (if you already haven’t) how to treat you; to do nice things for you; because one day, that will allow them to generalize their feelings and actions and start doing nice things for other loved ones in their lives; all because you taught them to do this! Take your kids out walking and let them pick flowers for you and show them how much you appreciate them as well by doing small things for them for no specific reason on no specific day. Randomly freak your kids out with your thoughtfulness and love. They will learn from you and they will do it again and again because It feels good to make our loved ones feel special. Do nice things for them and let them know how special they are to you and that it always feels good when people say kind words and show their love in small and sometimes big ways! How do I know that? Because you’re a person, my friend ~ a thinking, feeling person who has had her share of meanness and cruelty ~ and you don’t have to put up with that anymore. Why? Because you don’t deserve that and all you have to do is say no to meanness and cruelty and stupidity and walk away; no fights, no hard feelings, just no (which it sounds like you mostly have already!) Teach people how to treat you. When people are treating you with kindness and respect, then respond in kind. When stupidity, anger, ridiculousness, disrespect begins, then make an excuse and walk away ~ no matter how hard it is to do this. Do not engage with them ever because that’s what they want! These kind of people are crazy makers and you can’t help them, probably no one can! When you show how to handle your frustrations well and how to value yourself over other people’s ignorance and stupidity by making their crap a non issue and going about your day without becoming overly emotional about whatever bs they’re serving up, you are also teaching your kids to learn how to do the same. Trust me, I know how effin’ difficult it is to do this! I have faith in you, though!

    There was this famous myth that all great writers had to be alcoholics or drug addicts in order to produce great work. Yea, that’s been debunked now for a very long time. Thank goodness! However, as women, I think we sometimes struggle with just being ourselves without all of the craziness that others try to impose on us. I can’t wait until that era of stupidity in the lives of all females is over. But in order for that to happen, we have to teach our kids how to value their mothers, how to value others and how to value themselves. Do this consistently through your actions and word and you, my dear, will be doing your family, your community, and the world so much good! Also, it’s amazing how quickly crazy makers will go away once they realize they can’t make you crazy anymore. That’s such a wonderful side effect. When you are “boring” to them, then they move on. Save your not boring self for those who truly deserve to see and appreciate that side of you! 🙂

    Anyway, all of this to say ~ as one mother to another, Happy Mother’s Day, Emje! And remember, every day is freakin’ mother’s day! Also, I love your art and words and I appreciate you! Mona

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you! i agree that every day is mother’s day ❤
      thank you for all you kind words. i am anxious to be at a better place in my life…but i think i have survived the worst & am confident that one day it will all feel better even if there is a lot more work to be done.
      thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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