looking for answers

it was the early nineties when i had the dream.
i had been in therapy for awhile
terrified of the dark &
miserably unhappy
but one day it lifted and like a light switch
i was happy & no longer afraid–of anything
it was around this time i had the dream
was it before?
was it after?
are the two things related at all?

the dream was disturbing
a crazy-ass dream
where i was a mighty warrior
a tiger
and other clans would send warriors to fight me
i would mercilessly slaughter them
sometimes though
the other clans would send me young girls
to be with
as a way of collecting
my seed….

fucked up, right? that’s a fucked up dream for a 21 year old girl in iowa. i have been thinking about it a lot lately. wondering if the dream & my becoming happy & brave, have anything to do with each other. a past life remembering healing a present life hurting.

in the dream, i was represented as a tiger–but i was human. recently, googling like crazy, all i have been able to figure out is that tiger is representative of warriors and the such in china.
so i started reading up on china’s history to see if i can figure out anything about this dream…but i find myself more drawn to the mongols, of course.

i keep looking to so-called professionals & friends, but as usual, no one ever answers my emails. so i guess i’m on my own.
my own master
the answer to my own question.

the above illustration is a sneak peek at my patreon page post for today. i also have a glimpse of this post on longing to open from the other day:

as well as the very first postcard being sent out to a patron!!

oh! & all of these illustrations remind me that today is the spring equinox
balance between day & night…balance between light & dark…balance between rest & change.
wake up, it’s time to grow
happy ostara!

4 thoughts on “looking for answers

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  1. I’m still on the fence how I feel about dreams and interpretation. But I think up to this point I view it like this, our minds will still create these scenarios that we put together and were unable to make clear sense of them because the are blips of things we’ve absorbed through our day/days. I think they are referencing feelings, likely oftentimes hopes and wishes, sometimes fears and worries.
    I think it’s a very powerful thing to have a dream facilitate a change such as you might have experienced and I think it’s definitely telling for you mind and internal strength. ❤️

    I used to have lucid dreams and I’m still unsure what to call them because I think I was awake. I attribute the vision type things, or out of body feelings to my ability to leave my body mentally when I was being hurt as a little girl. But later in my life I’d have these visions and one in particular shifted my perspective and awareness as well. I’m so thankful for it, whatever it was. Sort of saved my character and personality.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. i had a lot of lucid dreaming when i was little & a lot of escaping reality through active imagination. ❤
      now when i dream, it is my reality–which i think is kinda cool. especially when i get to see someone i miss terribly.
      i can tell the difference between dreams with messages/lessons, dreams that are just my subconscious running around like a goofball, and these dreams that seem to be glimpses of past lives.
      when i started reading up recently about past lives leaking in in the form of dreams, i immediately knew which of my dreams were these types of windows.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve had dreams where I was a man as well and lived in different times/places and was at some kind of warfare. It is super weird when I’m a pacifist girl in real life. I often wonder if they might be past lives, but who knows.

    Liked by 1 person

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