needing to be needed

i am needy
i my need
to be needed
as the band says
i need you
to need me
so
i make myself
indispensable
i am the most
dedicated
employee
sure, i’ll do extra work
dirty work
whatever you need
i am the most
passionate
girlfriend
my blowjob will roll
your eyes
like a slot machine
and
i make a mean
cheesecake
anything
everything
so that one day you realize
you
cannot
live
without
me
i am needy
in my need
to be needed
no wonder
i’m a dog
person.

more exploration of my fucked up ability to need. i need to make you happy so that you will not leave me.
but that only lasts so long.
i either scare people away with that intensity…or i burn out and wander off when that one way street leaves me empty.
meeting everyone else’s needs, but never asking for what i need…and always surrounding myself with people who would rather it stay that way.
ay yi yi
so much to dig around in once you open up my head.

ps. i am starting to wonder if my tendency to leave my eyes empty is in any way related to the bonnie tyler video for “total eclipse of the heart.”
turn around
bright eyes
also! in my traveling from mother to crone…it feels like i have gained 20 pounds overnight & my boobs have gotten bigger. so i am feeling extra lumpy & unattractive–which tends to show up in my self-portraits.

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