homesteading blues

as i try to figure out
where i want to be
who i want to be
who i am…
shopping for a new home
means leaving behind some things
i love
but regret i could not love
enough
once upon a time
i was a girl with a gentle spirit
who loved animals
but that spirit was cruelly
broken
& now i am so conflicted
am i a homesteader?
or an urbanite?
can i be both?
can i live without
wide open spaces?
can i thrive
without a ready
community?

i cannot imagine myself staying here without going completely fucking nuts…but when i go to list my critters on craigslist, i struggle to imagine a life without them.
except that it would be a life with less things to worry about.
and that does sound nice.
but no geese wandering through my front yard? no goats taking care of the lawn for me? no ducks randomly flying onto the roof? no turkey to be ambassador to my property?

of course, i have no where to go right now. i just know i cannot stay here. i looked into intentional communities, but all of the ones equipped to house a family our size, are way way too expensive for this mom who does not prioritize income.

11 thoughts on “homesteading blues

Add yours

  1. Your situation reminds me of my own, which is much different, but perhaps similar in some way. I am a city person who has found himself, through inheritance, with a cabin on a small remote island, many hours from where I live, and I don’t drive. It is very difficult for me to get to, and most of the time I row there from a nearby island. I have had the place for a couple of years, and it is from my childhood, and I love it, and I have learned how to chop wood and many other things I had never dreamed of doing, yet I know that keeping it doesn’t work for me. I just know it. Life is full of impossible choices, isn’t it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. it is! i want to spend my life travelling, but also gardening, raising animals, but also tromping around a city for a coffee & some quiet. i am not sure how i am going to find a solution…right now i am dreaming of converting a bus into a living space & just hitting the road. living in state parks some of the time & cities some of the time.
      i’m sure my kids will be fine with it…right?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My door is always open, I wish I wasn’t so faraway! Im afraid I don’t know the rules about living in a state park, are you losing your home? I’m sorry your having to give your farm animals away, My aunt used to have horses and donkeys and chicken. I know a gal who is living in a bus (I keep telling her she needs to blog) they’re still in the process of doing changes but she lives in it!! Man I hope something turns up

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you!
      i meant camping as a lifestyle–not moving in to the parks 😉 state parks are awesome places to visit.
      i don’t have to leave, but i want to. i am care-taking my childhood home, and i thought i wanted to homestead, but now the parts of me that love city-life & travel feel like they are suffocating. plus i am located in a very narrow-minded part of illinois & don’t really connect with very many people here.
      i’m a bit unconventional in how i want to live. i’m “supposed” to want to have a house in the suburbs–but i would rather live on a sailboat. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: