panic attack

i am 
having a panic
looking through 
google docs
& files files files
on my hard drive
& months months months
of writings
here & in the physical journals
from whence
they sprung
too fucking much
how many words 
can there be?
how many 
all over my laptop?
fuck it
there is one more.

i am serious about getting together a collection to try to publish…but holy fucking crap. there is so much–crap–to wade through. 
do i keep it to the actual art journal project?
do i add in some older stuff?
some sideways stuff?
some stuff i don’t even remember writing? 

i need a personal assistant/editor stat!

this is going to be one of those “kill your darlings” moments i always heard about in writing workshops, isn’t it?

get me a bottle of whiskey & a blowtorch, y’all, i’m going in!

9 thoughts on “panic attack

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  1. I recommend deciding first (before reading anything) what it is exactly that you want your book to accomplish, or what story you are wanting to tell, or a theme. Because if you’re going for a “emje’s greatest hits” I think you will get too overwhelmed because it’s all so good and you have sooo much to look over. If you have a theme/story to tell… it will make it easier to have a ‘no pile’ a ‘maybe pile’ and a ‘yes pile’. Just my opinion.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you!
      i think i am going to stick to my art journal self-portrait series (with maybe a few extras) for this initial project. that way i can also go through the physical journals which are less overwhelming than stuff on my laptop/this site.
      i started obsessing about everything i had ever written while in bed trying to sleep. i don’t even remember everything i have ever written. or even what names i wrote it under. both on paper & on the internet. it is insane. i was even looking at projects from my last writer’s workshop that i didn’t even remember!
      if i had an attention span, i would be a force to be reckoned with.

      Liked by 2 people

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