just one of the (lost) boys

i am forever
amazed
at just how bad
i am
at being a mom
it looked
so
easy
(it is so not)
it looked
ideal
(it can be…sometimes)
i pictured my life
as a mother
in technicolor
donna reed
mrs. cleaver
carol brady
…or at the very fucking least
shirley partridge….
but
no
here i am
somewhere between
neverland
&
the lord of the flies.

of this self-portrait, poppy happily reported, “it looks almost like you!”
yes…yes…this is how i look as a mom.
head on a stick & everything.

(i do totally dress like that)

did i mention that i recently had a dream where i was angry at my parents for leaving me & my four kids unattended without an adult?
eventually, in the dream, i did remember that i am 48 years old…but, seriously, most days i feel like a lost boy.

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