INKtober third

the world revolved
around you
but turning in circles
destroyed me
i am still
recovering
still turning
still dizzy
maybe
never ever
able
to trust again
but
at least
i have a dog now
someone
to warm that empty spot
in my bed
someone
to warm that empty spot
in my heart
i replaced you
i did
i replaced you
with a puppy.

this was kind of quick & messy. i based it on a portrait i found by googling “portrait with dog.” it was between james tissot’s “young lady in a boat” and a portrait of a topless woman gesturing to her dog. i was really tempted to do the topless one, but went with the more tasteful one…you’re welcome.

so after writing this i realized…. well, probably while writing this i realized…it seems…sigh….it seems i am still in love with my ex-husband aka “dusty.”
a shocking revelation…or not so much if you have followed my journals for more than a couple of weeks….
also! it is completely possible that i’m just trying to avoid my own healing by focusing on my feelings for him.
so, even though i have a dog to sleep with now…i find myself missing the warmth of an ex i thought i was mostly over.
fuck me.
i know i do this. i yo-yo.
fuck fuck fuck.

so my head is spinning again.
and i’m trying to work through it without accidentally finding myself in a relationship with him…again.
ack!
so…more journal pages on that.

(in case you were wondering, i almost never use the inktober prompts. as with the rest of life,  i prefer to go off script)