narcissus

he told me
he was a chameleon
yet i still fell prey
when he found his way
into my heart
by mirroring
everything
i loved
about myself
& even some things
i hated
i fell in love
with familiarity
i guess
it makes sense
that i left him
for me.

the story of my ex-husband is a sad story. his story is sad. his childhood was a nightmare. he became a narcissist & a chameleon because he did not know how else to cope. or, that is my take on it anyway.
i realized recently why he seems so attractive to me sometimes. he is literally adopting my personality as his own…or at least one aspect of his personality is mirrored from me. he is adopting my words, my style of dress, how i relate to our children, and even my neurosis.
it kind of blows my mind.
and then i feel really bad for him.
but it isn’t safe for me to feel bad for him.
so, instead, i draw pictures & write pages of verse to try to understand my own experience with it. to try to process my own experience…so i can heal & be stronger.

but, fuck, i wish so badly he could heal as well….

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Author: emje

oh! i know who i am now i am sad & silly i am fierce & fantastic i am passionate & magical i am a fucking unicorn

4 thoughts on “narcissus”

  1. Yep, that separation from a narcissist is the hardest. Be well for you, for your children. You have definitely found such a wonderful and enjoyable (for us readers) way to express your process through this.

    Liked by 2 people

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