revolving door

i’m ruined
every time i see you
i’m ruined
how are you still able to break my heart?
how are you still able to make it beat faster?
i’m ruined
every
time
i
see
you
it sucks
so fucking hard
to realize
i still love you
i’m ruined
i have let you go
so many times now
i have become a revolving door for you
leaving me
ruined.

another page inspired by seeing dusty and having to fight the desperate longing for him that i thought i had managed to kill.
fucking dusty.

 

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Author: emje

oh! i know who i am now i am sad & silly i am fierce & fantastic i am passionate & magical i am a fucking unicorn

4 thoughts on “revolving door”

  1. What else is there to say?
    Take those moments in,
    try filing them away, turning
    them into art might be a good outcome
    but even if not, the echoes of former
    relationships and their particular qualities
    are something worth to look at, but not to dwell on.

    I don’t know you that well, so judging by the way
    you are dealing with it here, in the open
    it seems as if the wound is still bleeding
    but there is healing going on.
    I wouldn’t dare to overstep,
    just thinking out loud, resonating
    my own experiences, which are probably
    really different, but the common thing is:
    I’ve shared my life with self-involved people
    and it is a true pain to get them out of my system.

    even after years, even after finding someone
    who likes to be himself with me and lets me be myself
    with him.

    I wish you to find peace of mind. And time for yourself to mend and rant and whatever you need. 🌑

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you.
      because we have children together, he always has a foot in the door &–like a good predator–can sense when i am weak. today is our daughter’s birthday…so…
      i have peeled away many layers of pain through journaling–free verse–stream of consciousness. i have discovered & managed to heal more than i ever thought i could. but i suppose this one will take more time seeing as i have to both heal & learn not to be hurt.
      it sucks because there is still a part of me waiting for the happily ever after as we have our hollywood ending & he realizes what a shit he is & changes & we are a family again.
      i guess i need to address that so i can move past it.

      Liked by 1 person

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