status update: overwhelmed

the minions returned on tuesday–i drive & meet dusty half-way to wisconsin. usually we do the swap at a rest area, but dusty volunteered to meet at culver’s & have a birthday dinner for misha (for anyone not in the midwest of the u.s., culver’s is a wisconsin based hamburger chain–the only chain restaurant i willingly eat at.)
so i spent too much time with dusty for my own good–upcoming pages on that!
and i got my four wild children back for the rest of the month.
add on to that an explosion of ducklings. my muscovies enjoy hatching eggs, but then they abandon the babies leaving me to find duckling bits around the yard. if i am lucky, i find them before they are dead, but it’s about 50/50 at this point.
my brain is not able to completely come to terms with life & death on the farm & instead of staying up nights stressing about having to butcher lambs, i decided to get rid of my ram (so no more pregnant ewes) & to just have some fat, happy ewes eating grass. someone offered to buy my ram–luke (pictured above after a horn injury.) luke is a sweet ram & iggy (my child who is convinced i don’t love him–or so he says) is very attached to him. so there is a lot of drama over his leaving. we are all very sad. plus, the couple buying him wanted a ewe to go with him so they could start breeding. so we had to send our beautiful buttercup with him. which is also sad. plus buttercup left behind the other ewe & buttercup’s six month old lamb. so everyone, me–iggy–& all the sheep–have been crying since yesterday when luke & buttercup left.
good news. they are going to live on pasture of a small farm & get to have babies. the other options for sheep aren’t as nice. so i am happy they are going somewhere nice…but feel like a penniless jerk because i am unable to give them a home–forcing them into the scary move & causing all the other sheep (& iggy) to be sad.
but i keep thinking of winter & all the hay i need to buy…plus not wanting to “deal” with lambs when they get to a certain age & i can no longer put off the inevitable….
i’m just in over my head.
with four very demanding minions & a yard full of animals to take care of….
it’s overwhelming.
i’m exhausted.

i have pages written & two more canvas ideas…plus! one night while unable to sleep–i started writing more moses jones!! i have been stalled on that since, what, april?
so i’m taking my journal with me to a car maintenance appointment & will try to get pages done/mojo plot written.

10 thoughts on “status update: overwhelmed

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  1. Here’s hoping the minions recharge your batteries, and hay is cheap and plentiful. Luke does look to be a sweetheart.


  2. Endearing how you write about your animals. I wish I could visit your homestead one day , the images conjured into my mind are intriguing. Hope you have good childcare/schools around, so the minions get some work-out before they work you out.

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    1. i do un-schooling with them. my anxiety helped me to embrace “attachment parenting” (not to be confused with “helicopter parenting”–something i don’t do at all.) so i chose this lifestyle. there have been a few speedbumps–crappy partner, divorce, & an unplanned 4th pregnancy…but i still want to be as hands-on as possible…
      but it is exhausting & overwhelming & helps to vent about it!
      you are welcome to visit! it’s really peaceful even with my four little anarchists.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just reading about the concept of unschooling, sounds really interesting. Please drop me some literary tipps, if you got some.

        I wish I could just hop across the ocean. Traveling to the US is a more or less distant dream, I hope that I’ll be able to go to New York next year for DragCon. But that is about it for the next two years… But we’ll see. Maybe those teleportation devices are out sooner than we expect them to be.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. teleportation would definitely make things more simple (& completely cause nightmares for the people in my country intent on building walls!)
        i have one of sandra dodd’s unschooling books–but have yet to read it. john holt has written a lot about it as well. i think of it as an ongoing conversation with my kids. we are always learning. i’m amazed at what kids just absorb. as an anarchist myself, i love the idea of kids learning because they want to learn–not because they are being forced. & as a highly sensitive person, i was damaged by public schooling & wanted to spare my highly sensitive children the pain that can be inflicted by peers as well as so-called adults in a school environment.
        i could go on & on.
        my observation: growing children without industrialized schooling creates a very unique species.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh, you are highly sensitive, too. That is a pleasant surprise. My sensitivity is mostly in the auditory fiel, but also olfactoric. I’ve written some poems about it as well:

        I’m going to browse the library for Holt. Currently reading Maslow’s “Towards a psychology of being”, Once I’m finished Holt is up on my list.

        Gotta sleep now, tomorrow we have to leave this paradise of salt and sand (and wailing children) to catch some trains. Talk to you later!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. i only learned about highly sensitive people a few years ago. before that i wondered why other people recovered so easily from emotional injuries that left me reeling for years. plus i’m crazy-ass empathic. so that’s loads of fun. 😉
        sweet dreams!


    1. i keep trying to lighten my load & then i have a good day & end up adopting a pig or a flock of turkeys or something. i am trying to rein in my impulse animal hoarding–& then the ones i already have end up making more!

      Liked by 1 person

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