random thoughts

i am not on facebook or twitter anymore because i always feel i am spitting into an ocean… (though i did just find out that my facebook accounts have remained up despite my deactivating them last spring. i deactivated again…but if someone sees they are still up, please let me know.)

i have random thoughts throughout the day.
i am single & rural & in the company of children.
if these random thoughts are not “art journal worthy” they just waft away with the wind….

“i think i’m just going to have another beer & be sad.”
now i can’t remember any other random thoughts…maybe because of the one beer i did have.
but here’s a hypothetical for y’all. say a super cute, very cool guy contacted you via okcupid. he was what you were advertising for: an artist farmer.
so he contacts you & you message back & forth & seem to have a lot in common & possibly some chemistry….. then he gives you his contact information (website, phone number, & instagram) & he deactivates his okcupid account.
so you go to his website & you message him.
& wait
& wait
& he messages back that he is very busy but thinks your artwork is great & smiley face.
& that is the last you hear from him

is that it? is it over? i am not great with relationships (what? no!) and i am a bit socially retarded (impossible!)
that was it, wasn’t it? something didn’t click after all? maybe i’m too crazy? or i have four kids? or he found the perfect woman for him in between messages to me?

this is impossible. dating is for sadists…& the masochists who love them.
i am going to have that second beer.
fuck it all anyway.

ps. i went outside to put away goats & ducks & chickens & geese & hamlet the turkey and now i feel a bit less morose…but i still might have beer & watch a tragically romantic movie.

pss. does anyone else get a little sad when they post something they think is smashing & it gets lukewarm response?

14 thoughts on “random thoughts

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  1. Hi. Not sure if this is a message via wordpress email (never used it befor today) to me is an invitation to reply. Hey, im just a nicely weird lonely traveler with deadhead and some hiopie tendencies and i liked your art, then your writing, then your pics and thought I’d reach out and say hi. No hookup, no master plan, nonbullshit, drama or games… just a human you know? I didn’t know you were off facebook and thought there may be some potential for connection because you seem like my kind of peeps you know? I figures you might check out my facebook and say hi back if you dug my vibe and felt i was trustworthy and safe – which i am. No pressure at all. Its not so weird if you can believe me. I have lots of close friends all over that I’ve never met in person – and several i met years ago through online dating n stuff so i figured why not? And you’re close to bloomington and i was free all day with no plans. Made sense to me. I also figured with the amount,of personal stuff you have online you might be looking for some good old fashioned human connection? Anyway, i wish you a good evening and if you’dl care to talk or get to know me, perhaps email or texting works for you, or maybe even a phone call. I’m free from 1 to 5 tomorrow. I’m up for another hour of so tonight too. Saturday night after 8 is still open and I’d love to do something fun – and that includes making a new friend. Tell me about your bees? Or your frog pond? Or your homesteading? Whatever?


    Ps. Im not sure how this wordpress messaging works, sorry. Hope you get this.

    Pss. Im an open book, i dont do smalltalk, and i value meaningful communication. I also know a lot about depression – from personal experience (not saying you do or don’t) and anxiety (especially lately). Just being ooen and honest and well, me. (real)


  2. I suck at keeping up with posts and I have been absent from my own blog, but yeah, sometimes I write something that tares at my emotions so much and I post it on here (because no one else will ever read my stuff)… And meh… Onto your other subject, the main one… I’m glad I don’t have to date.. and if I had too… I don’t think I would.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i’ve decided to just do it the bronte way, become someone’s governess & then marry them after their first crazy wife tragically dies. that’s my plan anyway.

      this is a good place to exorcise one’s demons, i have found.


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