random thoughts

i am not on facebook or twitter anymore because i always feel i am spitting into an ocean… (though i did just find out that my facebook accounts have remained up despite my deactivating them last spring. i deactivated again…but if someone sees they are still up, please let me know.)

i have random thoughts throughout the day.
i am single & rural & in the company of children.
if these random thoughts are not “art journal worthy” they just waft away with the wind….

like…
“i think i’m just going to have another beer & be sad.”
now i can’t remember any other random thoughts…maybe because of the one beer i did have.
but here’s a hypothetical for y’all. say a super cute, very cool guy contacted you via okcupid. he was what you were advertising for: an artist farmer.
so he contacts you & you message back & forth & seem to have a lot in common & possibly some chemistry….. then he gives you his contact information (website, phone number, & instagram) & he deactivates his okcupid account.
so you go to his website & you message him.
& wait
& wait
& he messages back that he is very busy but thinks your artwork is great & smiley face.
& that is the last you hear from him

is that it? is it over? i am not great with relationships (what? no!) and i am a bit socially retarded (impossible!)
crap.
that was it, wasn’t it? something didn’t click after all? maybe i’m too crazy? or i have four kids? or he found the perfect woman for him in between messages to me?

this is impossible. dating is for sadists…& the masochists who love them.
i am going to have that second beer.
fuck it all anyway.

ps. i went outside to put away goats & ducks & chickens & geese & hamlet the turkey and now i feel a bit less morose…but i still might have beer & watch a tragically romantic movie.

pss. does anyone else get a little sad when they post something they think is smashing & it gets lukewarm response?

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11 thoughts on “random thoughts

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  1. Hi. Not sure if this is a message via wordpress email (never used it befor today) to me is an invitation to reply. Hey, im just a nicely weird lonely traveler with deadhead and some hiopie tendencies and i liked your art, then your writing, then your pics and thought I’d reach out and say hi. No hookup, no master plan, nonbullshit, drama or games… just a human you know? I didn’t know you were off facebook and thought there may be some potential for connection because you seem like my kind of peeps you know? I figures you might check out my facebook and say hi back if you dug my vibe and felt i was trustworthy and safe – which i am. No pressure at all. Its not so weird if you can believe me. I have lots of close friends all over that I’ve never met in person – and several i met years ago through online dating n stuff so i figured why not? And you’re close to bloomington and i was free all day with no plans. Made sense to me. I also figured with the amount,of personal stuff you have online you might be looking for some good old fashioned human connection? Anyway, i wish you a good evening and if you’dl care to talk or get to know me, perhaps email or texting works for you, or maybe even a phone call. I’m free from 1 to 5 tomorrow. I’m up for another hour of so tonight too. Saturday night after 8 is still open and I’d love to do something fun – and that includes making a new friend. Tell me about your bees? Or your frog pond? Or your homesteading? Whatever?

    -steve

    Ps. Im not sure how this wordpress messaging works, sorry. Hope you get this.

    Pss. Im an open book, i dont do smalltalk, and i value meaningful communication. I also know a lot about depression – from personal experience (not saying you do or don’t) and anxiety (especially lately). Just being ooen and honest and well, me. (real)

    Like

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