feeling it

i kinda feel like
opening my wrists
& painting one last
picture
blood for ink
ink for blood
until nothing is
left
of me.
i know this is not
a healthy thought
a hopeful thought
but it is a feeling
i cannot
deny.
you might even feel it
too
if you were
overwhelmed
unloved
emotionally stripped
to the bone
& pretty much sure
you’d done it all
wrong.

another inspirational post for my birthday.
i have been looking at art on instagram & hating my art…again. so i did this one with a bamboo pen to mix things up a little. i want to be more abstract. but i am not sure how to do that. so i might have to start trying harder. i know it is hard to break those habits of realism. even for someone like me who barely lives in reality.

anyhoo. i am not out on a ledge. i am just having a really rough time. the usual suspects. four year olds & forty year olds.
and birthdays.
and…well…life.

but i’m not giving up just yet.

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Author: emje

oh! i know who i am now i am sad & silly i am fierce & fantastic i am passionate & magical i am a fucking unicorn

2 thoughts on “feeling it”

  1. I once swore an oath not to paint this picture until certain conditions relating to my responsibilities were met. I have not thought of picking up that particular brush for a long time now. What worked for me might not work for you, but if there’s a chance it might help, I thought it might be worth sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. it definitely helps me to have an outlet for these feelings. then they become real enough to make me realize they are not feasible. i think it is necessary to say, “yes, i see you.” to my demons. tends to quiet them down.

      Liked by 1 person

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